Anxiety, Beauty, Carmarthenshire, CBT, Coming together, Depression, Eczema, Excited, Exciting, Family, Friends, Future, Gig, Health, Heartbreak, Illness, Invisible illness, Llanelli, Love, Mental Illness, Panic attacks, Panic Disorder, South Wales, South West Wales, UK, Wales

Being selfish.

This year I decided to do what I wanted to do .
Last year , as you know,  I went through hell and back with family and loved ones . We lost a lot and we’re left a mess .
I totally gave up .
But this year I’ve decided to be selfish .
I never put myself first and have always felt guilty for when I used to treat myself and not my friends or family .
Why should I ?
I deserve to be happy too !!
Last year proved that life is way too short to just sit back and hope and wish .
So this year , I have decided :

🌹 To eat clean and healthy .

Myself and my partner want to lose weight .
So far , so good .
All our food is clean and fresh πŸ™‚
Low fat and barely any carbs .
No sweets but we do have fruit and hot chocolate to help with the cravings .

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🌹 Get my eyebrows tattooed .

I have shaved / plucked my eyebrows since age 18 . So I have zero as I hate my natural brows .
So I decided to get them tattooed on . Semi permanent make up .
They last up to 5 years if you keep topping them up every so often πŸ™‚
Best decision I ever made !!

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🌹 Get more of my tattoo finished.

I started my sleeve tattoo last year . But as I had a lot going on , I ended up spending all of my savings on trying to save my dogs life (I regret nothing) .
So this year I have booked in for more work .
I have been put on the list for if a slot comes up . As William (tattooist) is fully booked for the year πŸ™‚

🌹 Seeing friends more .

I rarely ever get out .
I go to Rob’s gigs but I’m always on my own , out the way somewhere  (I can’t do crowds)
So this year I am making time for those important people πŸ™‚
This Saturday I have a few friends coming over for tea and some naughty cake (Home made – I’ll have a small piece)
Then in May I will be in London for The Damned and the day after I will be going to visit 2 amazing friends . We plan to go for food somewhere nice before heading home πŸ™‚
Then in the summer they’re  coming to visit us πŸ˜€
Exciting times ahead !!

Simple little things ,  but they’re making all the difference . I feel more confident and happy about myself !!

I wish I had done this sooner πŸ™‚
I know it sounds silly , but sometimes , being selfish really is ok πŸ™‚

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Anxiety, Depression, Excited, Exciting, Family, Gig, Health, Illness, Invisible illness, Love, Mental Illness

My weekend & week so far πŸ˜„

I have been a very busy girl this weekend . Been through a few emotions too .
So Friday I was babysitting my gorgeous nieces & cousin .
Travelling up I went on Facebook , my usual routine when stuck in traffic …. Dad driving lol .
I was commenting on a friends status . Everyone was messing around . It was all light hearted . But there’s always one who brings the mood down with a bang . This certain individual I have avoided for years , for many reasons . As have 95% of my friends over the years .
Anyway , it started off as an innocent debate . But I think he got a bit scared that I may show him up as he went extremely defensive .

Now way back when I was in school people would call me a “bullshitter” . It started with the typical line , “I met Cory taylor” . Which was the truth . But people got jealous and got nasty . Calling me a liar .
I then got on with it . A few people asked me about family etc . So I explained I have family in Canada and I would love to go and see them one day . I had only met my Uncle Mike & Aunty Jo . But I have so many cousins out there I would love to get to know .
This was then made into me lying again . Apparently , I don’t have family in Canada …. Ok then .
But you get the jist .
Over the years things got twisted and people literally made things up about me . People found it funny and it ended up that all the malicious lies they were spouting , we’re apparently coming from me . Even when I went away on holiday , I would come back to something new I had apparently said .
Now I know I’m not good at socialising and I don’t word things right . But it’s magic how I could be in 2 places at once saying all these things .

Anyway , back to the point .
This certain someone brought this up whilst he was in defensive mode . Calling me a bullshitter and being extremely childish and a school – like bully .

It made me have a panic attack .

I spoke to my Dad about it but he laughed at this person .
As he said , how many friends does he really have ? How many actually like him ? And how many just tolerate him because he’s a nasty ass ?
How many does he shove his “facts” at ?

It was going to be a political debate . But honestly , how can you have a debate against a bully ? Against a Tori ? Basically ….

It did get to me for about 30 mins but I got through it . I realised that he is just a bully . Plain and simple .
People don’t go around spreading malicious lies about people , unless 1) They’re jealous 2) They’re scared 3) They live a sad life .
I honestly pity him a little .
My life must be so much more interesting to devote his time and effort to , than his own .

So I stopped panicking .
We eventually reached my brothers house and I felt a lot better .
My Nieces & Cousin ran towards me & all gave me a huge hug .

We had a fantastic day .
We went to the park & then I treated them to water & crisps for being good .
They were all so thankful & Emily then made my day . She turned around , hugged me & said “Thank you . You really are the best Aunty in the world” .
She is 7 & the sweetest girl , ever ! πŸ˜„

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Saturday .

I spent the day with Rob .
We went to Margam park πŸ˜†
Heroes & Legends convention .
It was a lush day out .
Rob spent “too much” . We walked for miles .
I had a proper “fan girl” moment with Kitt (car) and with Captain America’s shield πŸ˜„
There were so many awesome stalls there .
Loads of famous peeps doing autographs & photos .
Elsa & Anna made an appearance too ! I loved them & recorded them for my Nieces & Cousin so they can see them when they come home from Cornwall 😊

I highly recommend this convention to anyone ! Cosplay is also welcome πŸ˜ƒ

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After the convention we went to one of my closest friends new house . Himself & fiancΓ© were having a house warming . They have bought their first house together …. It is amazing !!
I love my friend so much , he is like a brother to me . I am so Unbelievably happy for him !!
It was lovely to catch up & have a bite to eat haha . Cannot wait to see him next week for a bit πŸ˜€

Sunday .

Sunday was a more relaxed day .
Rob’s band are recording their first EP .
So I went along to The Parrot,Β  Carmarthen , & listened to them do it .
They only recorded the drums but it was amazing to watch (They have done so much more since then) .

After recording & packing up , I saw my good friend Aeddan . Only for about 10 mins , but it was lush to see him !!

Monday & Tuesday have been relaxed days . We have just chilled out together πŸ˜„
I’m currently spending the whole week with Rob as it’s his holidays . He turns 25 on Thursday (6th) So we are trying to sort something out for that too !!

So over the past few days , I have been super busy . Well , busy for me haha !!
It started as an emotional roller coaster , but has turned out amazing !!

Anxiety, CBT, Depression, Diet, Invisible illness, Mental Illness

Friday night fun

So in a previous blog I mentioned I went to a gig …. I also went to another gig the night after …. It was AMAZING !! Best crowd yet and my man was amazing on stage πŸ˜€

Everyone loved them and I was comfortable surrounded by friends ! Old & new πŸ˜€

It was so nice to feel good about myself . I felt great because of the people I was with . The music was awesome & the other band , Stand Up & Shout were amazing too .

We all had a great laugh and we didn’t leave until closing time .
I had a few drinks but spent under Β£10 . We went to Tesco afterwards and I bought some food as I was starving lol . But I stuck to the healthy stuff . No sweets / crisps / rubbish πŸ™‚ – Which was my downfall after a drink .

No panic attacks ! ! ! !
I was anxious before getting there , but that passed once we met up with everyone πŸ™‚

It was a great night !!

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Sadly , I was ill after being out two nights in a row and am currently still recovering from very painful joints .
It does suck when you can barely walk or get out of bed …. But those two gigs were worth it πŸ™‚ lol