Being selfish.

This year I decided to do what I wanted to do .
Last year , as you know,  I went through hell and back with family and loved ones . We lost a lot and we’re left a mess .
I totally gave up .
But this year I’ve decided to be selfish .
I never put myself first and have always felt guilty for when I used to treat myself and not my friends or family .
Why should I ?
I deserve to be happy too !!
Last year proved that life is way too short to just sit back and hope and wish .
So this year , I have decided :

🌹 To eat clean and healthy .

Myself and my partner want to lose weight .
So far , so good .
All our food is clean and fresh πŸ™‚
Low fat and barely any carbs .
No sweets but we do have fruit and hot chocolate to help with the cravings .

image

image

🌹 Get my eyebrows tattooed .

I have shaved / plucked my eyebrows since age 18 . So I have zero as I hate my natural brows .
So I decided to get them tattooed on . Semi permanent make up .
They last up to 5 years if you keep topping them up every so often πŸ™‚
Best decision I ever made !!

image

image

image

🌹 Get more of my tattoo finished.

I started my sleeve tattoo last year . But as I had a lot going on , I ended up spending all of my savings on trying to save my dogs life (I regret nothing) .
So this year I have booked in for more work .
I have been put on the list for if a slot comes up . As William (tattooist) is fully booked for the year πŸ™‚

🌹 Seeing friends more .

I rarely ever get out .
I go to Rob’s gigs but I’m always on my own , out the way somewhere  (I can’t do crowds)
So this year I am making time for those important people πŸ™‚
This Saturday I have a few friends coming over for tea and some naughty cake (Home made – I’ll have a small piece)
Then in May I will be in London for The Damned and the day after I will be going to visit 2 amazing friends . We plan to go for food somewhere nice before heading home πŸ™‚
Then in the summer they’re  coming to visit us πŸ˜€
Exciting times ahead !!

Simple little things ,  but they’re making all the difference . I feel more confident and happy about myself !!

I wish I had done this sooner πŸ™‚
I know it sounds silly , but sometimes , being selfish really is ok πŸ™‚

Advertisements

Gym & Depression

I started the gym last Monday (20th)
It’s been really great !Β 
The first day I was with a personal trainer for induction and she went over what to do and not to do regarding my illnesses . She was really great with me .Β 
I was so nervous before going . Although I went with a friend . I didn’t know what to expect and my anxiety was sky high .Β 

I didn’t sleep properly the night before , I felt too sick to .
I had about 2 hours sleep before heading to the gym at 9:30am .
I was shaking but doing my best not to show it .Β 

The trainer kept asking me questions and I could only answer with one word to start with . After 30 minutes I was ok . But to start with , it was hell (mentally) .Β 

But I did it !! I fought through the anxiety and I went . I felt so much better for it πŸ™‚Β 

I am now on day 3 , going into day 4 of the gym and I am feeling the benefits already !!

I lost 10lbs on the teatox diet , in 9 days !! So that helped boost me a little .Β 
I am currently waiting for my 28 day teatox to show up so I can carry on withΒ it πŸ˜€Β 
But the gym is helping on top .Β 
I do feel tired after it , but it is only the first week πŸ™‚Β 

I am eating healthy still . But enjoying it . I have cut out rubbish but I do enjoy my food . I play around a lot with things to get the best flavours .Β 

I’m not ready to put photo’s up yet of my fat belly , but once I get to a comfortable weight , I will show you all the results πŸ™‚Β 
I was 15.5 stone before starting and am currently down to 14.09 stone . So I am slowly getting there . Little by little πŸ™‚

The gym has been challenging . I can’t push myself too hard as I have spine problems and knee and hip . But I am on the treadmill for 20-30 mins a day and the bike for 10 mins . I go on the rower for 10 minutes if my body is up to it . But that is my routine πŸ™‚Β 
I’m not allowed to lift weights , sadly , but the rower should make up for that .

I went to the gym yesterday with my best friend . She had been there longer than me so had to leave to make an appointment . As it was quiet I decided to stay . I lasted 40 minutes in there all together . I only left because someone else came along .Β 
I’m still not ready to face the world alone . But I am getting there .Β 
It is a struggle and I still get major panic attacks . But I am handling it a lot better now πŸ™‚

With my depression , over the last 3 days , I have seemed to pick up a lot .Β 
The Teatox was also helping a little , but the gym seems to be helping more , and I would recommend it to anyone who is willing to try it πŸ™‚Β 

Having to leave the gym after 40 mins did effect me a little . It didn’t last too long though .Β 
I did think I was stupid and others would see it that way and call me on it . They haven’t though πŸ˜€Β 
The depression and bad thoughts lasted about 30 minutes or so and then I just got on with my day . (Not that I do much lol) .

Today was a better day as myself and my best friend lasted an hour at the gym together . We decided an hour was enough for us today and next week we will try going for an hour and a half .Β 
But we are building up to it .Β 
Last thing we need is to push ourselves too far and have to take a break so soon haha .

We are going 5 days a week , but taking the weekend as a rest so we don’t over do it πŸ™‚Β 

I will keep updating my progress on the gym and let you know how my anxiety and depression weighs up too .Β 

Hopefully , it will keep getting better πŸ™‚

Friday night fun

So in a previous blog I mentioned I went to a gig …. I also went to another gig the night after …. It was AMAZING !! Best crowd yet and my man was amazing on stage πŸ˜€

Everyone loved them and I was comfortable surrounded by friends ! Old & new πŸ˜€

It was so nice to feel good about myself . I felt great because of the people I was with . The music was awesome & the other band , Stand Up & Shout were amazing too .

We all had a great laugh and we didn’t leave until closing time .
I had a few drinks but spent under Β£10 . We went to Tesco afterwards and I bought some food as I was starving lol . But I stuck to the healthy stuff . No sweets / crisps / rubbish πŸ™‚ – Which was my downfall after a drink .

No panic attacks ! ! ! !
I was anxious before getting there , but that passed once we met up with everyone πŸ™‚

It was a great night !!

image

image

image

Sadly , I was ill after being out two nights in a row and am currently still recovering from very painful joints .
It does suck when you can barely walk or get out of bed …. But those two gigs were worth it πŸ™‚ lol