Anxiety, Beauty, Carmarthenshire, CBT, Coming together, Depression, Eczema, Excited, Exciting, Family, Friends, Future, Gig, Health, Heartbreak, Illness, Invisible illness, Llanelli, Love, Mental Illness, Panic attacks, Panic Disorder, South Wales, South West Wales, UK, Wales

Being selfish.

This year I decided to do what I wanted to do .
Last year , as you know,  I went through hell and back with family and loved ones . We lost a lot and we’re left a mess .
I totally gave up .
But this year I’ve decided to be selfish .
I never put myself first and have always felt guilty for when I used to treat myself and not my friends or family .
Why should I ?
I deserve to be happy too !!
Last year proved that life is way too short to just sit back and hope and wish .
So this year , I have decided :

🌹 To eat clean and healthy .

Myself and my partner want to lose weight .
So far , so good .
All our food is clean and fresh πŸ™‚
Low fat and barely any carbs .
No sweets but we do have fruit and hot chocolate to help with the cravings .

image

image

🌹 Get my eyebrows tattooed .

I have shaved / plucked my eyebrows since age 18 . So I have zero as I hate my natural brows .
So I decided to get them tattooed on . Semi permanent make up .
They last up to 5 years if you keep topping them up every so often πŸ™‚
Best decision I ever made !!

image

image

image

🌹 Get more of my tattoo finished.

I started my sleeve tattoo last year . But as I had a lot going on , I ended up spending all of my savings on trying to save my dogs life (I regret nothing) .
So this year I have booked in for more work .
I have been put on the list for if a slot comes up . As William (tattooist) is fully booked for the year πŸ™‚

🌹 Seeing friends more .

I rarely ever get out .
I go to Rob’s gigs but I’m always on my own , out the way somewhere  (I can’t do crowds)
So this year I am making time for those important people πŸ™‚
This Saturday I have a few friends coming over for tea and some naughty cake (Home made – I’ll have a small piece)
Then in May I will be in London for The Damned and the day after I will be going to visit 2 amazing friends . We plan to go for food somewhere nice before heading home πŸ™‚
Then in the summer they’re  coming to visit us πŸ˜€
Exciting times ahead !!

Simple little things ,  but they’re making all the difference . I feel more confident and happy about myself !!

I wish I had done this sooner πŸ™‚
I know it sounds silly , but sometimes , being selfish really is ok πŸ™‚

Advertisements
Anxiety, Depression, Diet, Gym, Health, Invisible illness, Mental Illness, SkinnyMint, Teatox

Gym & Depression

I started the gym last Monday (20th)
It’s been really great !Β 
The first day I was with a personal trainer for induction and she went over what to do and not to do regarding my illnesses . She was really great with me .Β 
I was so nervous before going . Although I went with a friend . I didn’t know what to expect and my anxiety was sky high .Β 

I didn’t sleep properly the night before , I felt too sick to .
I had about 2 hours sleep before heading to the gym at 9:30am .
I was shaking but doing my best not to show it .Β 

The trainer kept asking me questions and I could only answer with one word to start with . After 30 minutes I was ok . But to start with , it was hell (mentally) .Β 

But I did it !! I fought through the anxiety and I went . I felt so much better for it πŸ™‚Β 

I am now on day 3 , going into day 4 of the gym and I am feeling the benefits already !!

I lost 10lbs on the teatox diet , in 9 days !! So that helped boost me a little .Β 
I am currently waiting for my 28 day teatox to show up so I can carry on withΒ it πŸ˜€Β 
But the gym is helping on top .Β 
I do feel tired after it , but it is only the first week πŸ™‚Β 

I am eating healthy still . But enjoying it . I have cut out rubbish but I do enjoy my food . I play around a lot with things to get the best flavours .Β 

I’m not ready to put photo’s up yet of my fat belly , but once I get to a comfortable weight , I will show you all the results πŸ™‚Β 
I was 15.5 stone before starting and am currently down to 14.09 stone . So I am slowly getting there . Little by little πŸ™‚

The gym has been challenging . I can’t push myself too hard as I have spine problems and knee and hip . But I am on the treadmill for 20-30 mins a day and the bike for 10 mins . I go on the rower for 10 minutes if my body is up to it . But that is my routine πŸ™‚Β 
I’m not allowed to lift weights , sadly , but the rower should make up for that .

I went to the gym yesterday with my best friend . She had been there longer than me so had to leave to make an appointment . As it was quiet I decided to stay . I lasted 40 minutes in there all together . I only left because someone else came along .Β 
I’m still not ready to face the world alone . But I am getting there .Β 
It is a struggle and I still get major panic attacks . But I am handling it a lot better now πŸ™‚

With my depression , over the last 3 days , I have seemed to pick up a lot .Β 
The Teatox was also helping a little , but the gym seems to be helping more , and I would recommend it to anyone who is willing to try it πŸ™‚Β 

Having to leave the gym after 40 mins did effect me a little . It didn’t last too long though .Β 
I did think I was stupid and others would see it that way and call me on it . They haven’t though πŸ˜€Β 
The depression and bad thoughts lasted about 30 minutes or so and then I just got on with my day . (Not that I do much lol) .

Today was a better day as myself and my best friend lasted an hour at the gym together . We decided an hour was enough for us today and next week we will try going for an hour and a half .Β 
But we are building up to it .Β 
Last thing we need is to push ourselves too far and have to take a break so soon haha .

We are going 5 days a week , but taking the weekend as a rest so we don’t over do it πŸ™‚Β 

I will keep updating my progress on the gym and let you know how my anxiety and depression weighs up too .Β 

Hopefully , it will keep getting better πŸ™‚

Anxiety, CBT, Depression, Diet, Invisible illness, Mental Illness

Friday night fun

So in a previous blog I mentioned I went to a gig …. I also went to another gig the night after …. It was AMAZING !! Best crowd yet and my man was amazing on stage πŸ˜€

Everyone loved them and I was comfortable surrounded by friends ! Old & new πŸ˜€

It was so nice to feel good about myself . I felt great because of the people I was with . The music was awesome & the other band , Stand Up & Shout were amazing too .

We all had a great laugh and we didn’t leave until closing time .
I had a few drinks but spent under Β£10 . We went to Tesco afterwards and I bought some food as I was starving lol . But I stuck to the healthy stuff . No sweets / crisps / rubbish πŸ™‚ – Which was my downfall after a drink .

No panic attacks ! ! ! !
I was anxious before getting there , but that passed once we met up with everyone πŸ™‚

It was a great night !!

image

image

image

Sadly , I was ill after being out two nights in a row and am currently still recovering from very painful joints .
It does suck when you can barely walk or get out of bed …. But those two gigs were worth it πŸ™‚ lol