The waiting game….

Had my colonoscopy on Monday . 

Ouch!!

I’m not going to lie , it was horrific . 

I had to have gas and air and pre med . I was still screaming in pain . It really really hurt . 

Naturally I am pale , but I came out of there looking like a ghost . I was white !! 

They couldn’t find a vein to put my canola in .  When they did it spurted everywhere .  Eventually my consultant got it in one go . 

I somehow convinced my consultant that I’m rich because we were all talking tattoos . He asked what I did for a living and I said nothing . To which he smiled and I didn’t correct him haha . It’s not a bad thing right ? It’s better than him thinking I’m a bum or something haha . 

I brought up about the laxatives though . They all agreed that something needs of be done about it . They have had loads of complaints !!

Back to the op . My Ulcerative Colitis wasn’t flared up which was good , but they found something they didn’t like so they’ve taken 10 biopsies and I should have the results in 1 to 2 weeks with a follow up app in 3 to 4 weeks .  I can phone to get the results before the app though , which is great . I hate waiting . 

The things they found could be anything though . From food intolerance to the major stuff I don’t want to think about . 

As I feel unwell daily it could be anything . Although , I do want tests done to see what I am allergic to as every time I eat my stomach hurts . It stretches and I have stretch marks because of it . So hopefully the results will confirm that and I can get referred for further tests and sort that out . Here’s hoping anyways . 
I hope I haven’t scared anyone with these blogs though . I have had 2 colonoscopies before this one and they didn’t hurt . They were uncomfortable but not painful . I don’t know what was different this time , but it was horrendous .  I highly recommend pain relief of all kinds haha . Although I did refuse the high end pain relief as I wanted to leave asap afterwards to see my friend who is in hospital .  I ended up missing the time slots though …. If I had known , I would have had all the pain relief going …. Not happy .  But I’m extremely glad I got it out of the way . 

Now all I have to do is get over the allergic reaction . lol . Yeah . My body has decided to be a jerk . We assume it’s a reaction to the meds . Although I am better tonight , I have been suffering with flu like symptoms . Shakes and feeling cold came first , then yesterday I was sneezing like crazy and my face was puffy , which only ever happens when I’m allergic to something . Today I’ve just felt like jelly . Wobbling all over the place . I’m also off food although I’m trying my best to eat . 

It really is worth it though ๐Ÿ™‚ At least in a few weeks I will know what is up with that area of my body and I can fix it . 

I will keep everyone updated .

Colonoscopy day .

They lied . Moviprep doesn’t last for 2 hours max . It used to …. But I have had just under an hours sleep and now I’m up to start drinking some more . I am dropping !!

I spoke to a friend who has been through it lately , she was up all night too with it . So it’s not just me . Be prepared if you’re going through it . 

It says after an hour of your stomach settling , you can take any prescribed meds . I took mine at 11pm thinking I would be fine . Turns out I wasted meds . 

I’ve had chest pains and a numb right leg and now basically no sleep before starting it all again . 

Colonoscopies really aren’t easy .  

People think it’s just a few laxatives and you’re away . I honestly wish it were that easy . I’m starving , exhausted and in a lot of pain . I can’t eat for at least another 8 hours (min) . I can’t sleep for another 10 to 12 hours . And my meds won’t start to work again , to take the edge off , for another 24 hours .  I’m shakey , anxious , feeling sick , and this is just the start of the day . 

I will get meds to calm me down once I am at the hospital , which do help a lot . But this really isn’t a walk in the park . It horrific .  Anyone who tells you different , really is lying . 

I am going to be telling my consultant today what I have been through and how I think it is unfair that people are up all night on moviprep .  Especially those with mental health conditions . No sleep makes everything a million times worse . 

I really can’t wait to get today over with .

Going for a colonoscopy .

Tomorrow is the day I go for a colonoscopy .  I’m nervous as expected .  My anxiety is high and I feel weak . 

I’m anemic and have to starve myself for 24 hours . I also have eating problems . I struggle to eat more than one meal and I struggle to eat before 4pm . 

I had to have food before 1pm . I made scrambled eggs on white toast .  I can’t eat white bread but you aren’t allowed anything else . So had no choice . I’ve been feeling ill ever since . Shakes and feeling super sick . 

I started the prep (moviprep) at 7pm . It’s foul . Smells of lemon and tastes like salt . Making me feel even worse . 

I am drinking plenty of water because of it though . Which is a plus !

Honestly , think this is the worst part of the op though . The colonoscopy itself doesn’t last very long and it isn’t painful . Slightly uncomfortable but not painful . (I’ve had 2 before) .

It’s not even the not eating part that gets to me or the effects of moviprep , it’s the anemia and the shakes .  The feeling sick and not being able to do anything about it . 

Normally eating something sugary helps , but I can’t touch anything now until after my colonoscopy at 2pm tomorrow .

I keep thinking that it’s worth it .  To see what’s going on inside . But the shakes really make me think otherwise .  

The bonus of it all for me though , is that I get a Costa after it all haha . I have warned my parents – as they’re taking me – that we will be sitting in there eating and drinking ! I swear I’m addicted ….

Well , that’s my little update for now . I will let you know how it all goes tomorrow , and how amazing the Costa was ๐Ÿ˜› 

My world (s)

I blog a lot about what I go through but never enough about my two little furbabies who help me through it all . 

Stan .

And Oscar .

They’re both just over a year old now . 

Both busy Bee’s and keep me on my toes . I wouldn’t have it any other way . 

If you suffer with mental health you will know you have to live in the here and now , otherwise your mind goes haywire and you find you can’t cope . You are your own worst enemy at the best of times . 

Having my two fur kids has helped me majorly . 

I now have two little ones to look out for . 

I have to get up in the mornings . 

I have to go out . 

I have to stay active . 

I have more of a routine . 

When you have fur kids you HAVE to stay on top of things . They can’t feed themselves , brush themselves , go for long walks on their own etc . You have to be responsible . I can’t walk very far without taking breaks but my little ones understand this . They enjoy no matter what . So long as we are doing something , they have fun . That’s all they want . 

However , in doing so much for them , they’re doing the same in return for me . 

I don’t have time to sit around and mope anymore . I am always on the go . 

Take Stan for instance . He’s the oldest but he’s the troublemaker . Oscar can sit quiet but Stan won’t unless I’m sitting down and he can sit on my lap . I have to watch him like a hawk ! He rips carpets , digs , steals pizza off your plate , drinks your coffee if he can get to it , pinches the TV remote , chews through toys , eats stones , rummages through bins etc . The list goes on ! 

Oh and if I do need a lye in in the morning , you can guarantee he’s messed his bed up . We have gone through 3 beds in 9 months . He’s a bugger , but a loveable one ! 

They most certainly keep me going and make me laugh each and every day . They are always so happy and it rubs off on me . Yes , they’re busy and messy , yes they are pains in the bum , but they’re my babies and I wouldn’t change a thing . 

My depression has died down a lot since having them . It hasn’t completely gone , I do get some super bad days , but I can manage better with them by my side ๐Ÿ™‚ We are a trio and I love every moment ! They’re better than any anti depressant pill . The only side effect is happiness . Oh and poop …. Lots and lots of poop . They are poop machines ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚


On top of it allย 

So to top off my previous blog , my health is complete rubbish again .

I am awaiting hydrotherapy , physiotherapy and pain clinic , all whilst battling to come off these God awful drugs – Gabapentin – . I am meant to have a colonoscopy in 13 days but can’t whilst on these meds . So have to postpone yet again . 

I have been told I am anemic again . Great . So here’s the fun part . . . . 

I’m anemic , so I have been told by Doctors that if my iron drops again I need infusions . End of . No messing around with drugs or vitamins etc as my body doesn’t absorb them and I nearly died last time . 

So I go and see a Doctor . We only have locums now .

She tells me I’m under half – Her words – and that I should buy vitamins to top up . She also said that when I decide not to be vegetarian my health will improve !! Bare in mind I am vegetarian because I have been advised by doctors to be . And having UC , it’s not a good idea to eat meat !

When I bring up what all previous doctors and consultants say , she just has a go at me and tells me to buy multi vitamins .  

So I walked out of there annoyed , but got those damned vitamins . Which made me sick , caused sleepless nights and made me feel worse . 

She also told me to stop my gabapentin .  Which I did and had severe migraines , shallow breathing and multiple panic attacks . Hense why I am back on them . 

Trying to see a doctor at the moment is hell . You just can’t seem to get an appointment . I am not only battling with my health but with my surgery . It doesn’t help . I’m stressed and ill and seriously do not have the energy .  Between what I have been through , my depression and all of this on top . These are the reasons why I have avoided posting anything , blog wise . 

I have missed blogging as it helps me and I like to think it helps others to be open and speak out . It helps settle my mind when it’s in overdrive and it makes me happy . But battling all of this , my mind is a mess . I can’t seem to function properly on a normal day . I’m exhausted , forgetful , snappy and just fed up . Nothing I do seems to help . 

If anyone has any advice on how to relieve pain , sleep more – at least 8 hours instead of 2 – , relax my mind etc . I’d greatly appreciate it ! 

Thank you all for being so patient with me and supporting me . It means a lot .

It’s been a while .

I apologise once again for taking such a long break from blogging . 

I’ve been through one heck of an emotional rollercoaster . 

Not only has my health decided to decline (again) but I have lost 2 amazing friends . 

It’s amazing how quickly life flickers before our eyes . One minute someone is there and the next , they’re gone .  Both my friends , Darren and Ian , I had been speaking to the night before they left us . 

Darren passed barely a week before Ian . Both came as a massive shock . 

I was speaking with Darren two nights before . He had seen a man get stabbed and we were talking about getting some flowers to him in the hospital and sending love to the man’s family . Darren was really worried about him . 

Then , just the night after , he said he couldn’t sleep so I sent him some love . 

Myself and Darren met through school . He went to the school just next door to mine . We have a lot of friends in common . 

We remaind big friends through college . Always hanging out ! He was friends with a guy I dated and we were the inseparable trio . 

After college , life got harder for us all . 

My , now ex , is married and has a child , my health declined and limited me from going places and Darren , he was in an even worse boat . 

Darren was born with health issues and needed transplants . He was on the list and friends were even getting tested to see if they could help him . 

The night before I heard about his passing , we were planning to go for coffee and have a catch up . But that day never came . 

Hours after speaking with him , he passed away . Surrounded by family and loved ones . 

Devastated isn’t the word . 

Darren was one of my dearest friends . He’s always had a fond place in my heart , always will . 

Whilst dealing with this awful news . Merely days later , more awful news came . This was a huge shock .  

My friend , Ian , passed away . 

Myself and Ian became friendly through college . We partied every Thursday night and had the wildest and best nights out . He was always kind , loving and caring . My BFG .

BFG was very fitting . Ian was 6 foot something . Insanely tall . Skinny and gave THE best hugs . When I told him he made me feel tiny , he started to pick me up .  I remember him asking me if I was scared being so high up during a cuddle . I just smiled and squished him back . Ian never failed to make me happy . 

Ian was the kind of guy who would always make time for you .  He’d listen and help you out the best that he could . Come the end of the conversation you’d be walking away smiling from ear to ear . 

The night before he passed I congratulated him as he had just started Uni . 2016 really did seem like the year for him . He had just gotten engaged to a lovely lady , he moved to Cardiff and started Uni . His life truly was on the up . 

The news came as such a shock as he had no known health issues . 

He passed away from a heart attack . The cause is unknown . He was with his fiancรฉ walking the campus and next minute , he was gone . That’s what I’ve been told anyway . 

Honestly , we all can’t get our heads around it . 


I attended 2 funerals in one week . Both of close friends . Both my age . Heartbreaking isn’t the word . 

I miss them both dearly .

Appologies but please bare with ….

I’m sorry for the lack of blog posts . This will change as soon as I feel right . 
I have been through one hell of a lot recently and the last week and a half has changed my life . 

I have lost 2 amazing and very special friends this week . Their funerals are coming up and my head really isn’t in the right place . 

It has hit me like a ton of bricks and I honestly don’t know what to do with myself  . 

I have a lot to update you all on and I promise I will do this . I just need some time to get my head together and to say goodbye to the amazing people who have left earth too soon . 
Thank you all for being patient with me . 

Much love xoxo