Apologies , these last few months I’ve been MIA .

A lot has happened . 

Starting off I’ve developed a food allergy again . I’m now extremely allergic to milk . Which is a bit of a pain as most foods contain milk . 

I’ve been veggie since I was 13 , so I’ve now had to go vegan . Not that I have anything against the vegan diet , it’s just difficult when you don’t know much about it and have no choice but to take it up . 

I was however a fake vegan , as I wasn’t fussy if food had egg in it . Until the last few weeks where I now also have an allergy to egg ! 

There is a plus side of this diet . As I mentioned in previous blogs , I was on all natural medications . I didn’t take the steroids my gastro gave me and researched natural alternatives instead . I was on cumin and CBD oil . 

I saw my gastro a few weeks ago and he can’t believe it . I’m in remission !! Although he was concerned about the “flare ups” . Until I mentioned my milk allergy . 

My gp has been refusing to send me for allergy tests and just said to eliminate the foods . However , as it’s so severe it can become life threatening , so my gastro has now demanded an allergy test be done . I’m still waiting for that . 

I’ve also lost 1 stone 4lbs in 3 months , without even trying to . This hasn’t happened in 8 years !! 

On top of it all , earlier this month I lost my Uncle . My Aunty found him dead in bed . He was fit and healthy as far as we all knew . Turns out all the arteries to the heart were clogged and he basically walked upstairs after having breakfast , sat down on the bed and died instantly . 

It’s been hell in all honesty . 

We are all taking it in turns to stay with my Aunty as she’s not well herself . 

We are also all still , very much in shock . 

My father more so as he was the first one there to do CPR . My Uncle was his best friend . He worked for about 20 mins before the first responders came , then took it in turns with them to keep going . He even still kept trying once the paramedics got there . So you can imagine what he must be going through 😦 

I did go to see my Uncle in the chapel of rest . First time I’ve ever seen someone like that . But it was peaceful . He looked like he was going to wake up any second , do his usual snort like he did so often in his chair , and go “Uhh I wasn’t sleeping” . If only 🖤

There is something that made us all a little happier , if you can be happy at all in this situation . Before he passed , he had the grandchildren down from London for a week . It was a trial to see if they would stay with them for a while so they could have little holidays in Wales . The grandchildren adored my Aunty and Uncle . 

Then the weekend before he passed , he had my Nieces and Nephew over for a party for my Aunty , she had recently turned 60 but they couldn’t make her original party so they held one just for them . Myself and family went too . It was fab ! My Uncle made sure they were full on good food and then spoiled them rotten , as he always did with children , cake and Ice cream with the chocolate mint wafers . YUM ! And not forgetting the crisps and pop ! 

My Uncle was a sucker when it came to kids . They seemed to bring out the child in him 🙂 He did the same for me when I was a kid too . 

So basically , we figured out , he had his goodbyes . Everything had fallen into place . It’s something we can take some comfort in . 

His funeral was a lovely send off . The church was full . People had so much to say about him , all good . My Aunty wanted to celebrate his life and that’s exactly what we did . 

The song she chose to play him out in the church was from Dirty Dancing . The Time Of My Life . 


Because my Uncle loved to dance ! 

I’ll never forget him grabbing me at my engagement party and making me dance . I can’t dance at all so he put me on his feet , like you do with a child , and made me dance with him for a while . I only got up to go to the bar , and I ended up dancing at my party . But that’s the kind of man he was . He was a loving , fun , gentle man . You could always rely on him and nothing was ever too big . He’s helped me out so many times over the years , I can’t thank him enough for everything he has done . 

I’ve had a few tears , but not enough . I feel like I really need to cry and scream and blame someone . But I can’t .  I think it’s shock . Even writing this , I’m crying a bit but no where near as much as I need to . I just cannot believe I won’t be seeing him in this life again . It’s heart breaking . 

It’s safe to say , this world has lost a fantastic man , and life will never be the same again . 

I truly hate September .  Last year I lost 2 close friends and now this year my Uncle . 

These last 7 years have been hell for my family , and I’m sick and tired of life always taking from us . 

Next year , I’m 30 . I’m not sitting back waiting for something else to happen , I’m grabbing 2018 by the balls and I’m living . Because one this I have learnt the hard way is , life is cruel and it’s selfish . It takes and takes and will drain you of everything if you let it . It’s taken enough from me now , it’s my turn to take something back . 


Appologies but please bare with ….

I’m sorry for the lack of blog posts . This will change as soon as I feel right . 
I have been through one hell of a lot recently and the last week and a half has changed my life . 

I have lost 2 amazing and very special friends this week . Their funerals are coming up and my head really isn’t in the right place . 

It has hit me like a ton of bricks and I honestly don’t know what to do with myself  . 

I have a lot to update you all on and I promise I will do this . I just need some time to get my head together and to say goodbye to the amazing people who have left earth too soon . 
Thank you all for being patient with me . 

Much love xoxo 


I know I haven’t been great with my blogs lately . A lot has been happening and my mind is boggled . 

However, once I get a chance to sit down, I will be blogging like crazy . 

I have a lot to say and update you all with . 
So appologies for the lack of blogs , but I promise I will get on it asap 🙂 

New medication

For the last 9 days I have been on Gabapentin 300mgs three times a day.
So far, so good .
They’re helping the pain from my crushed disc . Easing the pain in my hips and knees too . Although the pain hasn’t completely gone , it is way more manageable now .

I am feeling really good on them .
The first three days were odd. I was getting hyper after the third pill . So hyper I was awake at 1am painting…. Really not like me .
But now it’s all settled .
I’m sleeping far better …. Although I still wake with panic attacks , it’s not as often .
I have more energy ! Although come 8pm I start feeling tired , throughout the day, I feel amazing .

I’m honestly waiting for a drop / come down , but also enjoying it whilst it lasts  .

My anxiety and depression is low 😀
I still get dips and I’m not 100% but I’m better than I was .
I wish they had started me on these meds years ago !

Eventually, the doctor wants me on 900mgs eight times a day .
Now , I’m wary. Everytime I have gone on a high dose of medication, it has sent me back a thousand and one steps. 
Granted, I haven’t been on meds that have worked this well , but I’m still wary over it .
And it’s not like I can just stop these meds . It’s all gradual and counter medication can be needed , and this type of pain relief is for life too .

So I’ve decided I will keep track of my day to day lifestyle on these meds . Grade myself out of 10 . 0 being crap and 10 being amazing !
That way , if I do up the meds and I start getting worse , the doctor can read my notes and see how and when they effect me .

But for now , I am enjoying this energy surge and happy feelings and just going with the flow .

I would recommend this medication to anyone who suffers with chronic pain !
Although , I can see why people get addicted to it ….


Update on my physical health


After 9 years of trying to get to where I am today . I saw the Neuro last Tuesday .
After going through all of my MRI scans , even the ones they claimed they lost about 3 years ago .

We finally saw my bulging disc . It’s totally gone.  In the centre where there is supposed to be white stuff (as he explained) . Mine is all black and crushed . Which has been caused through an accident many years ago ….. 9 years to be exact and the accident was in college , falling on a wooden floor from running around in socks in an acting class …..

So we have a diagnosis there .
However , they want to leave an operation for as long as possible as I’m young .
They want to get me on pain relief and regular check ups every 4 months to make sure the disc doesn’t bulge out anymore and lean on my nerves .
At the moment , there is a little space which they’re happy with . So long as it doesn’t move outwards anymore .

One thing they did confirm for me though is that my hip and knee pain have nothing to do with my spine .
I need to get hold of my GP and demand further tests for those .
I am currently having pain relief for my right hip (it’s an experiment to see if it helps) . Cortisone injections . I’ve had 2 in my right hip and they have helped a lot . However, my left leg is extremely painful . Today is one of those days .

The Neuro also confirmed my back ache at the top of my spine has nothing to do with the disc either . I have very weak bones and joints through my Ulcerative Colitis.  Which will also need pain relief . But again that is up to my GP to sort .

I am hoping to see my GP next week to sort this out .
I am relieved that they want to wait before an operation . That is a plus . But at the same time , it would help a lot of my pain .

In the mean time I have been told to walk . Military position and walk as far as I can . It should help the disc pain a little . So my furbabies will love this …. More walkies !!

I will update as soon as I know any more .
I’m not letting this get on top of me .
I have decided to keep a pain diary and mark 1-10 pain wise with diagrams as of where the pain is .
So I can show my doctors and consultants .
But I am trying to stay positive .
My furbabies are helping me with that (as I have spoken about in an earlier blog) 😄

So this is my little update on my health .
I will post about what happens next when I know .
I will also keep you all updated on pain relief etc .

Thanks for reading .

Anxiety and depression with furbabies update


Just a little update on how I’m getting along with my furbabies .

We have had Stan and Oscar for a little over 2 months now .
It’s incredible what they do on a daily basis without even knowing it .
By them just being their playful (and naughty) selves , they have majorly made my panic attacks better .
I’ve gone from having a panic attack on a daily basis to having 3 in the last 2 months .

I still wake up every night having my “normal” panic attacks from sleeping . But throughout the days I feel a lot better .
I’ve lost a stone and a half in weight . I’m eating better and healthier . I’m happy .

I am exhausted , which is natural when you’re a sufferer . Doing things on a daily basis is a chour still . But I’m smiling more when doing things .
I’m out more and walking with my parents or partner .
I still can’t walk far , I have to sit down regularly and I am in a lot of pain when I’m home . But that’s because I have weak bones and a bulging disc . 
But I’ll explain that in another post .

So what do my furbabies help me do ?

– They get me up in the mornings . Rather than the afternoons .

– They help me get exercise in a small way. It’s better than zero .

– They help me focus on the present . What’s happening now . Not what could happen or what has happened . Not what I want that everyone else has . I’m focussed on today and what we are all going to do .

– I attempt to make plans . Where as before I couldn’t make any . I still struggle as my health is unpredictable, but I’m trying . Which is a major step .

– I’m focusing on the positive . I may need a spine operation , at the moment they’re monitoring me and getting me pain relief as I’m young . But the option of an operation is still open . However , I’m not scared . I know it would help me do more and feel better . If this operation came about soon, I would plan more with my furbabies and give them a really really good life of being out daily in new places . I have created a positive out of a negative .

– They make me laugh . Even on the days I feel like crying because I’m in pain . They cuddle me and always do something silly . They know when I’m going through a rough day . That may sound silly to people who don’t have a dog . But seriously , they know.  They can read you better than you can read yourself and it’s a godsend .


I honestly can’t say a bad word about them . They’re busy Bee’s , but they’re puppies .
They’re my lifeline right now and they’re the best decision we have ever made 🙂



4 simple & natural ways to help anxiety


Chamomile Tea

Just a few sips of Chamomile Tea can help relieve anxiety and stress . It’s a natural anti-anxiety medicine and has been proven to help reduce anxiety in just a few weeks .



That tired feeling you feel after Christmas dinner .
It’s from the tryptophan in the turkey.

“Tryptophan is a precursor to the neurotransmitter serotonin, which helps you to feel calm. Tryptophan in the form of meat, has been shown to reduce anxiety disorders!”



Known for its many uses .
It is excellent for anxiety and depression as it helps lift your moods .


Dark Chocolate

One for those with a sweet tooth . (Just like me) .
Dark Chocolate has been found to help relieve anxiety .
In a study they used it as placebo medication .
Scientists found that those on 1.5 ounces of Dark Chocolate per day felt calmer than those who weren’t.