I had a plan.

At age 16 all I wanted to do was act . 

I adored theatre and being on stage . I had been acting for over 10 years and had lead roles in everything . 

All the way through school I was an A* student at acting and script writing .

So when I went to college , it was to no surprise that I chose Performing arts . However , whilst on the course , I realised I had a passion for another side of it . I fell in love with theatre lighting, sound and set design . 

I finished my course after a year with a distinction* (highest grade) and then decided to go back and join the theatre lighting and design course . 

I thrived . It became my way of life . 

Although I was battling with my UC . My lecturer worked around it . He was so understanding and sent work home for me on days I couldn’t make it in . Then when I went in I did the practical side . 

I passed the course again , after 2 years , with the highest grade possible . I got extra grades too because I finished the work early . So I also got a qualification in PAT testing the lights and health and safety . 

It was amazing . Exactly what I wanted to do . 

I took a little break from studying and went to work in retail until I figured out if I wanted to go on to university or straight into the theatre lighting world .

I decided university would be amazing as I could stretch out into other fields too . 

But that’s when my body started giving up on me .

I had an accident whilst doing performing arts which has lead to me having broken discs in my lower spine . I have hip and knee problems too . I had to quit Uni 3 weeks before finishing the year . I was absolutely gutted . But I couldn’t cope with the pain and no sleep . 

I thought it would be a temporary thing . That I could go back and redo the year . But my body is failing me . 

I feel lost . 

I had my whole life career planned out . I knew exactly what I wanted . I set things in motion to get it . But that one slip in the dance studio has destroyed my dreams . 

The pain is getting worse . There’s no sign of pain clinic , physio or hydro therapy . 

I’ve seen physio once in the surgery just to try and get the ball rolling but the positions they have given me just hurt . 

I’m not sleeping for more than 4 hours a night and it’s a broken sleep . 

I’m constantly worried about my future . 

Being 28 and needing a walking stick with a seat on just to go places , is not how I planned for my life to turn out . 

My only interest has ever been theatre . I don’t find any happiness in anything else . But the fast paced environment isn’t for me anymore .

I really am stuck . 

I can’t work 9-5 because I don’t sleep well , so I drop when I drop . 

I’m unreliable because of that . 

Everyday simple tasks are a challenge for me . And my memory is all kaput because of the lack of sleep and pain . I can’t be trusted to boil an egg without walking off from the stove . 

I really do wish life was different right now . If only I didn’t have that fall , I would be on the track to my dream job . But I guess life had a different idea for me . A different path ? 

I wish it was possible to see the future , because right now , I’m stuck battling with my pains and emotions and it’s not fun and games . 


I’m sorry for a depressing post . But I’ve always said I will post the pros and cons of my life . Today just so happens to be a bad one . But I know , it’s only a day 🙂 

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The past 2 weeks .

A lot has happened the past 2 weeks . 

Back in December I was told I was in remission with my Ulcerative Colitis . Which was amazing news for me . Even though I was getting small fare ups , I could cope . 

After 8 years of suffering I thought I was finally getting somewhere . 

Until ….

Last week I saw a doctor at my surgery . He went through my notes . I went down about hip and knees pains . 

He told me I had nothing wrong with my spine . Even though neuro says I have broken and bulging discs . He said everyone does . He also said I have ibs but didn’t test for it . He gave me meds for that . Then asked if I take anti inflammatories . To which I said no because of my UC . He went on to say that I can now as I’m in remission . 

He then said he will give me pain killers for me knees and hips and see how we go . 

That was last Tuesday . 

Five days later I was in extreme pain . When I read up about the meds , I found they were NSAIDS (Non steroid anti inflammatory drugs) . 

I stopped them immediately and prayed the pain would go away . 

Come Monday I was rushed to A&E . In pain and bleeding , a lot . 

Turns out I was right . I am not allowed these meds and the doctor in no way should have prescribed them . Even when in remission . UC is a life long condition . It never goes away , just lies dormant for a while . 

Now I have been referred back to gastro . Awaiting further tests to see what damage it has caused . 

Speaking with a doctor in A&E she confirmed that it can progress into Crohns in circumstances like mine . The worst case scenario is also bowel cancer depending how bad everything is . It’s doubtful but can’t be ruled out until I see gastro . 

However , this means my anxiety is at an all time high again . Panic attacks are back due to stress . All because a doctor didn’t do his job right . 

I am fuming to say the least . 

I feel like it’s one step forward and twenty back . 

I have really been struggling with all of this . Mentally and physically . 

Thankfully I have my family to help me through it . Without them I wouldn’t be able to cope . 

They have all been my rocks 💜💜

Family is definitely everything in times like these . 

They have helped me keep going and also encouraged me to take up hobbies to take my mind off it all . 

Along with raising money for Many Tears Animal Rescue , I have also decided to try out making glitter glasses 🙂 

They’re a lot of fun on my good days 🙂 Although , I have quite a few now haha .

They help me relax and are super easy to make too 🙂 

My aim this year is to save more money . So making gifts is the way forward . Something personal and made with love and something that keeps my mind active and not ticking over on the bad stuff . 

I highly recommend it to anyone who loves being creative . It’s a nice pass time . Along with spending time with loved ones 🙂 


Kindness .

I have been absent due to many reasons lately , to which I apologise . 

However , one of the reasons is that I’m busy . 

I’ve been going through one hell of a lot with my health and I found I started to spiral with my mental health , so I decided to do something positive . 

If you have read my blogs in the past , you would know I have a charity which I hold close to my heart . 

Many Tears Animal Rescue . 

They have been struggling lately for money due to their food supplier not being able to donate anymore . So all of their money is being stretched out over many things . One major thing being life saving operations . 

They have asked for help on their Facebook page :  https://www.facebook.com/manytearsrescue/

So I have decided to start up a Facebook page of my own , with raffles to help get some pennies for them . 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/395115930823972/

On the page is the go fund me link which I also set up for them 🙂 

https://www.gofundme.com/wp2arwjs-help-many-tears-animal-rescue

Every penny I raise will go to them . 

If you enter the raffles and live in the UK, I will post the prize to you (if you don’t live near) and the money will come out of my own pocket 🙂 

Doing something good has really helped me cope better with what I am going through . 

Since losing Ellie back in 2015 , I have chosen to help this charity because of their amazing work . They do so much for the animals . All staff work on minimum wage and never ask for a penny more . They even put their hard earned cash back in to the rescue to help the animals . Cleaning products etc . 


If you could please take some time to have a look , donate / share either this blog , the links or just the go fund me page . I would be extremely great-full . 


Thank you all so far for your support 💜💜

Fresh air .

The last few days I’ve been feeling really unwell . My sleep pattern is off , my heads been painful , I’ve even been feeling sick . Along with my normal aches and pains . So today I thought “stuff it” . 

I dropped everything , grabbed the boys and went out for a walk with my Dad . 

We are both disabled so there are constant stops etc but we needed to get out . 

Best decision ever ! 

We went on a walk called ‘The Cratch’ . It’s a lovely, quiet walk , out of the way , by the river in Kidwelly . There aren’t vary many people down there and the views are stunning ! 


I never get out because of my health , but I’m glad I did today . 

It was chilly but we wrapped up . Including the furkids . 

It’s not a long walk but it took us around an hour and a half . 

My head cleared instantly ! All of my symptoms eased and my mood lifted . It was a beautiful day . 

We met a lovely lady who’s recently moved to Llanelli from Manchester . She gave the furkids some treats and they played with her furkid . It was so nice getting to know them and chatting about our love of animals . 

We truly live in a beautiful place . It may be a small town , but Kidwelly has some lovely walks . 

I think my next purchase is going to be a walking stick which has a seat . I really need to go on more walks and I know I can’t walk very far unaided , so I think it will be a practical purchase . It also gives me something to look forward to . 

I may look into some other nice walks within driving distance , and take the furkids with me to explore them .

If you have the “New Years Blues” like me , I really recommend going on a walk somewhere . The fresh air has really helped me a lot . And for once , I am in bed before 6am .