An ‘it’s all in your head’ moment .

Today I was told that I was wrong about my mental illness. Nothing is impossible and that I can go out , I can go to the gym , I can go to parties and I can have a “normal” life .

Now usually that can be seen as a nice , positive , motivational bit of advice . However it wasn’t. 
I was told this because a guy can do it . Because he said mental illness was easy to cope with on medication and that he got over his rather easily despite the fact he still has panic attacks which cause him to pass out .

This really annoys me and this is why the stigma is still around .

I’ve suffered since aged 6 with mental health . I am now 27 years young and I am still suffering . I know what I am capable of and what I am not .
It sucks majorly the majority of the time .
I know I’m not the only one .
1 in 4 suffer and every story is different . You can’t tar everyone with the same brush .
Some are misdiagnosed and some do just have mild depression where they can snap out of it and some are even seasonal .
Everyone’s story is different .
But I was told I was wrong .
That I should be going out even though it’s tough .
That I should be working and living a “normal” life like everyone else . That it’s me , myself , making all of this impossible and no one else .
Basically , “it’s all in your head” moment .

My blood boils at this .
These idiots are the reason why there is very little support out there !!
One person in a million recovers from mental illness and all of a sudden we all can?!
No !!

You learn to cope with the hand you’re dealt .
You learn to live the way you need to . But not all can be “cured” .
It’s not that we don’t want to , it’s something that we want more than anything in the world .
But our lives are filled with vicious circles .
Eg ;
Depression comes with anxiety , Anxiety causes panic attacks , Panic attacks cause exhaustion , exhaustion causes us to sleep , sleep is broken through the panic , so we end up even more exhausted . Through exhaustion we struggle with daily tasks such as showering and eating . No shower makes us feel horrible and tired . No food drains our energy and causes many other problems such as anemia .

I can go on and on but I think that is enough to paint the picture .

I don’t have the energy to do anything with my day .
I try and try and always end up in bed .
Granted , I have 2 wonderful dogs to help me but they haven’t cured me . I still have panic attacks in my sleep and I wake up gasping for air . Resulting in a broken sleep.  Every. Single. Night.

So to tell me , after I have explained this to you, that I can just get over it .
I’m sorry but that is the biggest pile of crap anyone could ever say !!

I know me , you don’t.  Just like I don’t know many others who suffer .
I don’t have the right to tell them that I can cope with certain things they can’t, so I don’t .
I try to help , I say what I have tried . I be a shoulder , but I never judge . Our lives are so messed up and hard as it is . We don’t need this idiotic debate every time .
We just need support and to be able to talk about it all .

It’s really boiled my blood today and I don’t want anyone else feeling this way .
I really hope no one else goes through this as it makes you feel crap .

These people need to educate themselves !!

Please don’t let these idiots into your lives , don’t fall for their games .
You’re doing just fine the way you are . Small steps are the way forward , slowly and surely ๐Ÿ™‚

Stay strong !!

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Gym & Depression

I started the gym last Monday (20th)
It’s been really great !ย 
The first day I was with a personal trainer for induction and she went over what to do and not to do regarding my illnesses . She was really great with me .ย 
I was so nervous before going . Although I went with a friend . I didn’t know what to expect and my anxiety was sky high .ย 

I didn’t sleep properly the night before , I felt too sick to .
I had about 2 hours sleep before heading to the gym at 9:30am .
I was shaking but doing my best not to show it .ย 

The trainer kept asking me questions and I could only answer with one word to start with . After 30 minutes I was ok . But to start with , it was hell (mentally) .ย 

But I did it !! I fought through the anxiety and I went . I felt so much better for it ๐Ÿ™‚ย 

I am now on day 3 , going into day 4 of the gym and I am feeling the benefits already !!

I lost 10lbs on the teatox diet , in 9 days !! So that helped boost me a little .ย 
I am currently waiting for my 28 day teatox to show up so I can carry on withย it ๐Ÿ˜€ย 
But the gym is helping on top .ย 
I do feel tired after it , but it is only the first week ๐Ÿ™‚ย 

I am eating healthy still . But enjoying it . I have cut out rubbish but I do enjoy my food . I play around a lot with things to get the best flavours .ย 

I’m not ready to put photo’s up yet of my fat belly , but once I get to a comfortable weight , I will show you all the results ๐Ÿ™‚ย 
I was 15.5 stone before starting and am currently down to 14.09 stone . So I am slowly getting there . Little by little ๐Ÿ™‚

The gym has been challenging . I can’t push myself too hard as I have spine problems and knee and hip . But I am on the treadmill for 20-30 mins a day and the bike for 10 mins . I go on the rower for 10 minutes if my body is up to it . But that is my routine ๐Ÿ™‚ย 
I’m not allowed to lift weights , sadly , but the rower should make up for that .

I went to the gym yesterday with my best friend . She had been there longer than me so had to leave to make an appointment . As it was quiet I decided to stay . I lasted 40 minutes in there all together . I only left because someone else came along .ย 
I’m still not ready to face the world alone . But I am getting there .ย 
It is a struggle and I still get major panic attacks . But I am handling it a lot better now ๐Ÿ™‚

With my depression , over the last 3 days , I have seemed to pick up a lot .ย 
The Teatox was also helping a little , but the gym seems to be helping more , and I would recommend it to anyone who is willing to try it ๐Ÿ™‚ย 

Having to leave the gym after 40 mins did effect me a little . It didn’t last too long though .ย 
I did think I was stupid and others would see it that way and call me on it . They haven’t though ๐Ÿ˜€ย 
The depression and bad thoughts lasted about 30 minutes or so and then I just got on with my day . (Not that I do much lol) .

Today was a better day as myself and my best friend lasted an hour at the gym together . We decided an hour was enough for us today and next week we will try going for an hour and a half .ย 
But we are building up to it .ย 
Last thing we need is to push ourselves too far and have to take a break so soon haha .

We are going 5 days a week , but taking the weekend as a rest so we don’t over do it ๐Ÿ™‚ย 

I will keep updating my progress on the gym and let you know how my anxiety and depression weighs up too .ย 

Hopefully , it will keep getting better ๐Ÿ™‚