The past 2 weeks .

A lot has happened the past 2 weeks . 

Back in December I was told I was in remission with my Ulcerative Colitis . Which was amazing news for me . Even though I was getting small fare ups , I could cope . 

After 8 years of suffering I thought I was finally getting somewhere . 

Until ….

Last week I saw a doctor at my surgery . He went through my notes . I went down about hip and knees pains . 

He told me I had nothing wrong with my spine . Even though neuro says I have broken and bulging discs . He said everyone does . He also said I have ibs but didn’t test for it . He gave me meds for that . Then asked if I take anti inflammatories . To which I said no because of my UC . He went on to say that I can now as I’m in remission . 

He then said he will give me pain killers for me knees and hips and see how we go . 

That was last Tuesday . 

Five days later I was in extreme pain . When I read up about the meds , I found they were NSAIDS (Non steroid anti inflammatory drugs) . 

I stopped them immediately and prayed the pain would go away . 

Come Monday I was rushed to A&E . In pain and bleeding , a lot . 

Turns out I was right . I am not allowed these meds and the doctor in no way should have prescribed them . Even when in remission . UC is a life long condition . It never goes away , just lies dormant for a while . 

Now I have been referred back to gastro . Awaiting further tests to see what damage it has caused . 

Speaking with a doctor in A&E she confirmed that it can progress into Crohns in circumstances like mine . The worst case scenario is also bowel cancer depending how bad everything is . It’s doubtful but can’t be ruled out until I see gastro . 

However , this means my anxiety is at an all time high again . Panic attacks are back due to stress . All because a doctor didn’t do his job right . 

I am fuming to say the least . 

I feel like it’s one step forward and twenty back . 

I have really been struggling with all of this . Mentally and physically . 

Thankfully I have my family to help me through it . Without them I wouldn’t be able to cope . 

They have all been my rocks 💜💜

Family is definitely everything in times like these . 

They have helped me keep going and also encouraged me to take up hobbies to take my mind off it all . 

Along with raising money for Many Tears Animal Rescue , I have also decided to try out making glitter glasses 🙂 

They’re a lot of fun on my good days 🙂 Although , I have quite a few now haha .

They help me relax and are super easy to make too 🙂 

My aim this year is to save more money . So making gifts is the way forward . Something personal and made with love and something that keeps my mind active and not ticking over on the bad stuff . 

I highly recommend it to anyone who loves being creative . It’s a nice pass time . Along with spending time with loved ones 🙂 


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Kindness .

I have been absent due to many reasons lately , to which I apologise . 

However , one of the reasons is that I’m busy . 

I’ve been going through one hell of a lot with my health and I found I started to spiral with my mental health , so I decided to do something positive . 

If you have read my blogs in the past , you would know I have a charity which I hold close to my heart . 

Many Tears Animal Rescue . 

They have been struggling lately for money due to their food supplier not being able to donate anymore . So all of their money is being stretched out over many things . One major thing being life saving operations . 

They have asked for help on their Facebook page :  https://www.facebook.com/manytearsrescue/

So I have decided to start up a Facebook page of my own , with raffles to help get some pennies for them . 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/395115930823972/

On the page is the go fund me link which I also set up for them 🙂 

https://www.gofundme.com/wp2arwjs-help-many-tears-animal-rescue

Every penny I raise will go to them . 

If you enter the raffles and live in the UK, I will post the prize to you (if you don’t live near) and the money will come out of my own pocket 🙂 

Doing something good has really helped me cope better with what I am going through . 

Since losing Ellie back in 2015 , I have chosen to help this charity because of their amazing work . They do so much for the animals . All staff work on minimum wage and never ask for a penny more . They even put their hard earned cash back in to the rescue to help the animals . Cleaning products etc . 


If you could please take some time to have a look , donate / share either this blog , the links or just the go fund me page . I would be extremely great-full . 


Thank you all so far for your support 💜💜

Fresh air .

The last few days I’ve been feeling really unwell . My sleep pattern is off , my heads been painful , I’ve even been feeling sick . Along with my normal aches and pains . So today I thought “stuff it” . 

I dropped everything , grabbed the boys and went out for a walk with my Dad . 

We are both disabled so there are constant stops etc but we needed to get out . 

Best decision ever ! 

We went on a walk called ‘The Cratch’ . It’s a lovely, quiet walk , out of the way , by the river in Kidwelly . There aren’t vary many people down there and the views are stunning ! 


I never get out because of my health , but I’m glad I did today . 

It was chilly but we wrapped up . Including the furkids . 

It’s not a long walk but it took us around an hour and a half . 

My head cleared instantly ! All of my symptoms eased and my mood lifted . It was a beautiful day . 

We met a lovely lady who’s recently moved to Llanelli from Manchester . She gave the furkids some treats and they played with her furkid . It was so nice getting to know them and chatting about our love of animals . 

We truly live in a beautiful place . It may be a small town , but Kidwelly has some lovely walks . 

I think my next purchase is going to be a walking stick which has a seat . I really need to go on more walks and I know I can’t walk very far unaided , so I think it will be a practical purchase . It also gives me something to look forward to . 

I may look into some other nice walks within driving distance , and take the furkids with me to explore them .

If you have the “New Years Blues” like me , I really recommend going on a walk somewhere . The fresh air has really helped me a lot . And for once , I am in bed before 6am . 

My world (s)

I blog a lot about what I go through but never enough about my two little furbabies who help me through it all . 

Stan .

And Oscar .

They’re both just over a year old now . 

Both busy Bee’s and keep me on my toes . I wouldn’t have it any other way . 

If you suffer with mental health you will know you have to live in the here and now , otherwise your mind goes haywire and you find you can’t cope . You are your own worst enemy at the best of times . 

Having my two fur kids has helped me majorly . 

I now have two little ones to look out for . 

I have to get up in the mornings . 

I have to go out . 

I have to stay active . 

I have more of a routine . 

When you have fur kids you HAVE to stay on top of things . They can’t feed themselves , brush themselves , go for long walks on their own etc . You have to be responsible . I can’t walk very far without taking breaks but my little ones understand this . They enjoy no matter what . So long as we are doing something , they have fun . That’s all they want . 

However , in doing so much for them , they’re doing the same in return for me . 

I don’t have time to sit around and mope anymore . I am always on the go . 

Take Stan for instance . He’s the oldest but he’s the troublemaker . Oscar can sit quiet but Stan won’t unless I’m sitting down and he can sit on my lap . I have to watch him like a hawk ! He rips carpets , digs , steals pizza off your plate , drinks your coffee if he can get to it , pinches the TV remote , chews through toys , eats stones , rummages through bins etc . The list goes on ! 

Oh and if I do need a lye in in the morning , you can guarantee he’s messed his bed up . We have gone through 3 beds in 9 months . He’s a bugger , but a loveable one ! 

They most certainly keep me going and make me laugh each and every day . They are always so happy and it rubs off on me . Yes , they’re busy and messy , yes they are pains in the bum , but they’re my babies and I wouldn’t change a thing . 

My depression has died down a lot since having them . It hasn’t completely gone , I do get some super bad days , but I can manage better with them by my side 🙂 We are a trio and I love every moment ! They’re better than any anti depressant pill . The only side effect is happiness . Oh and poop …. Lots and lots of poop . They are poop machines 😂😂


An ‘it’s all in your head’ moment .

Today I was told that I was wrong about my mental illness. Nothing is impossible and that I can go out , I can go to the gym , I can go to parties and I can have a “normal” life .

Now usually that can be seen as a nice , positive , motivational bit of advice . However it wasn’t. 
I was told this because a guy can do it . Because he said mental illness was easy to cope with on medication and that he got over his rather easily despite the fact he still has panic attacks which cause him to pass out .

This really annoys me and this is why the stigma is still around .

I’ve suffered since aged 6 with mental health . I am now 27 years young and I am still suffering . I know what I am capable of and what I am not .
It sucks majorly the majority of the time .
I know I’m not the only one .
1 in 4 suffer and every story is different . You can’t tar everyone with the same brush .
Some are misdiagnosed and some do just have mild depression where they can snap out of it and some are even seasonal .
Everyone’s story is different .
But I was told I was wrong .
That I should be going out even though it’s tough .
That I should be working and living a “normal” life like everyone else . That it’s me , myself , making all of this impossible and no one else .
Basically , “it’s all in your head” moment .

My blood boils at this .
These idiots are the reason why there is very little support out there !!
One person in a million recovers from mental illness and all of a sudden we all can?!
No !!

You learn to cope with the hand you’re dealt .
You learn to live the way you need to . But not all can be “cured” .
It’s not that we don’t want to , it’s something that we want more than anything in the world .
But our lives are filled with vicious circles .
Eg ;
Depression comes with anxiety , Anxiety causes panic attacks , Panic attacks cause exhaustion , exhaustion causes us to sleep , sleep is broken through the panic , so we end up even more exhausted . Through exhaustion we struggle with daily tasks such as showering and eating . No shower makes us feel horrible and tired . No food drains our energy and causes many other problems such as anemia .

I can go on and on but I think that is enough to paint the picture .

I don’t have the energy to do anything with my day .
I try and try and always end up in bed .
Granted , I have 2 wonderful dogs to help me but they haven’t cured me . I still have panic attacks in my sleep and I wake up gasping for air . Resulting in a broken sleep.  Every. Single. Night.

So to tell me , after I have explained this to you, that I can just get over it .
I’m sorry but that is the biggest pile of crap anyone could ever say !!

I know me , you don’t.  Just like I don’t know many others who suffer .
I don’t have the right to tell them that I can cope with certain things they can’t, so I don’t .
I try to help , I say what I have tried . I be a shoulder , but I never judge . Our lives are so messed up and hard as it is . We don’t need this idiotic debate every time .
We just need support and to be able to talk about it all .

It’s really boiled my blood today and I don’t want anyone else feeling this way .
I really hope no one else goes through this as it makes you feel crap .

These people need to educate themselves !!

Please don’t let these idiots into your lives , don’t fall for their games .
You’re doing just fine the way you are . Small steps are the way forward , slowly and surely 🙂

Stay strong !!

Dogs & Depression Update

I have been asked by quite a few people , to write a blog about our dogs .

So I thought I would do a little update .

We have only had Stan the Jug and Oscar the Cavachon for 12 days and already they’re part of the family .
Stan is 8 months old and Oscar is 7 months old .
They’re our babies .
We love them more than anything !!
My parents have become Nan and Dats to them . My brothers are Uncles etc etc .

Stan needed a new harness so I spent a small fortune on a new one and am tempted to get Oscar one as well .
I know it’s a lot of money but they look amazing in them !!
The colour really suits Stan (Red) .

They were definitely a challenge .
Both needing a little house training and still currently going through other training regarding tricks 🙂
But they’re gorgeous and so worth it .

Before them , I would stay in bed until mid-day and then clean and do sod all for the rest of the day . Leaving my depression get the best of me .
With the news about my broken and bulging discs in my back , it really wasn’t helping.  The thought of an operation terrifies me . So I needed something to help me .

The dogs have most certainly done just that .
They keep me on my toes .
But I’m up at 10:30 latest . Although , on weekend the dogs tend to sleep until 11:30 .
I feed them and brush them , let them out etc . All the usual stuff when you have a dog .

I have lost weight too !!
Massive bonus !!
I now have curves . Super happy about that .

I do take them on short walks .
I can’t walk far so we go as far as I can with a few stops here and there .
They’re great on the leads though. 
My parents and Rob help me with that though as I can’t leave the house alone .

I don’t get many depressive spells anymore , although they haven’t completely gone , but I’d say I’m 80% getting there .
My anxiety is up and down but not as bad as it used to be .

The choice to get these dogs was the best choice we ever made 😀

It helps that they’re cuddly . I get love 24/7 off them .

They do fight , but last Tuesday they had the snip so I am really hoping it helps .
Oscar is feeling rather sorry for himself though and always wants to be picked up and have sympathy 😂😂
Bless him though , he is just a baby .
Serious training starts after he has his stitches removed next Tuesday though 🙂
Stan’s are dissolvable and he doesn’t seem to care that he had an op .
He is as bouncy and playful as ever . No matter how hard we try to calm him,  it’s next to impossible haha .
But all is good .

We are super happy and can’t thank our friend enough for giving us this opportunity . 

She is still in touch with the boys and gets to see them .
They love it as they get extra attention haha .
We love it too as it’s a win win for us all .

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Mental health and Dogs

This week has been pretty exciting.
On Saturday we were offered two small dogs . One 7 month old and one 8 month old .
The 7 month old is a Cavachon and the 8 month old is a Jug .

We agreed to have them .
Come Monday they arrived !!

We now have two stunning , handsome boys !!

They’re busy and need the snip as they keep humping haha .
I have booked them in for Tuesday 😀
So all should settle down by then .
But other than that , they’re amazing !!

I never woke up before 12 pm but now I’m up at 7am with them .
I feel so much better for it. 
I’m going out on walks and becoming more active .

I am exhausted , not going to lie , but it’s all worth it 🙂

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They’re fantastic with kids.

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I thought I broke them after their hour and a half walk 😂😂

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They’re both Mammy’s boys

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Oscar has a thing for me clicking my nails .

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Stanley loves all the toys ….

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ALL the toys …. 😂😂

I love them to bits !!

My anxiety and depression seem to be at bay at the moment 🙂 I feel great !!