Anxiety, Carmarthenshire, CBT, Coming together, Depression, Excited, Exciting, Family, Friends, Future, Health, Heartbreak, Illness, Invisible illness, Llanelli, Love, Mental Illness, Panic attacks, RIP, South Wales, South West Wales, Toxic Relationship, UK, Unfair, Wales

Cutting ties & moving forward.

Happy New Year everyone 🙂
I hope 2016 treats you well .

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I wanted to write this blog as it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while .
I went through a lot in 2015 . The ups and the major downs.  It was a long roller coaster ride of emotions .
But one thing that has taken a while to click with me, is the loss of friends .

We all go through life meeting new people. We all lose someone in some way shape or form , but I’m not on about the ‘normal’ loss of friends through losing contact or just life getting in the way.  I’m on about losing someone who you considered to be a friend .
The fake friend.
Someone who you put your life on hold for , to meet up with.
Someone who you threw your problems aside for and tried to help them when they were at breaking point .
(But who wouldn’t do this for you .)

And then when their life starts to pick back up, they kick you to the curb .

It feels awful .
The feeling of being used .
No one deserves that .
I don’t understand how people can put someone through it .

Oh my life is hell , they’ll understand

– When you become good enough for them. –

Now my life is back on track, I don’t need that ‘negative’ friend who has helped me through it all, I’ll just kick them to the curb and move on with my life” .

– The part where they become too good for you and you become the negative one . Because they are on the slight “up” that life has given them . –

I’ve been thinking about it a lot . As I do over think things, that’s the whole thing about anxiety .
As much as it magnifies every emotion , it can , every once in a while , make you see things clearly .

I gave my time .
I gave up hours of my days .
I would drop everything for this friend .
I would push my problems aside and I would listen to them go on and on about theirs .
They would cry,  get angry and really vent .
They needed someone and I was willing to be that someone .
To be the shoulder .
I truly believed that they wanted to be friends .
That they were a nice person .
When really , they just saw me for the soft person that I am .
For the person who will do anything to see others happy .

As soon as I had done my work . They got their life back on track , for now. They have a job again , and I feel like they now think they’re better than me. 

I had tried to make contact with this person . But there was always some excuse .
I asked them if everything was ok between us .

They lied .

I then saw them when out and about and they ignored me but acknowledged my friend .

Then in passing conversation between said friends , they dropped the news in about a job .

And it all clicked .

Whilst they think they’re being clever . They’re actually showing their true self .

I was good enough when no one else would listen to them , but the minute they get a part of their life back , boom . I’m not good enough .

They only got their idea of said job , from me . Which is what I find amusing .

I’m better than her now , because I have the job she said would be perfect for me and pointed me in the right direction

But instead of a thank you , I just get tossed aside .

The best part to it all ?

They don’t realise that with depression , it’ll always come back .

The paranoir , the sleepless nights , Panic attacks , feeling ill , feeling unwanted , unloved . Etc .
It isn’t a once in a life time thing that just goes over night . Depression is always there . It just hides until you let your guard down , and then it jumps right back on .

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2015 taught me a lot of hard lessons . The main one is having to let go .

So this blog , is me letting go .
It’s the final goodbye to a toxic relationship .
I may be unfit to work because of health issues , but that doesn’t give anyone the right to treat me like an underdog .
It doesn’t make you a better person because you can get up pain free every day . It doesn’t change who you are .
And nothing gives you the right to treat someone this way .

I know I’m not the only one who has gone through this .
So my advice to you is , cut them off .
Don’t let them get to you. 
They used you and yes it sucks .
They took your nice nature and used it to their advantage .
But that doesn’t make you a bad person , it makes them the bad person .
So instead of just dwelling on it , say your final goodbye , in what ever way you feel appropriate,  and cut all ties .

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I feel good after venting all of this 🙂
Now I can move on to the next chapter of my life .
I hope you can too 🙂

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4 thoughts on “Cutting ties & moving forward.”

  1. I can relate. Three years ago I went through the same with a false friend. In the end she was so ungrateful. It was really hard and hurt a lot. I earned lot from giving too much to her. Now I won’t give that much without reciprocity.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s awful how people can treat others this way .
      I will never understand it .
      I’m too soft and I know this . My mother tells me all the time to be careful who I trust .
      I’m normally a good judge of character , but from time to time the odd few slip through .
      I just can’t get my head around it . And the fact that they think they have done no wrong !!
      I suppose it will hit them when they get a downer again and realise we won’t be taken for a mug again 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. On some level they really know that they were putting themselves first, my best friend sure did and no matter how hard I tried she still didn’t meet me halfway no matter what I asked for. I’m not sure what she thought about it afterwards, because I stopped reading her emails and blocked her. She was enraged at me and throwing that at me and that was a line I would not let someone cross. I have better boundaries now and I believe that looking for someone who can be a friend, no matter what shit they are going through, is someone who will be lolyal to a friend. Still looking for that in real life, but I have that online and that is huge progress. I believe that you will get there too and surpass where I am at right now.:) I know it’s sad, but I believe in you and believe that you will get through it.

        Good and healing thoughts to you.

        Kate

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It is very sad how sour some people can be .
        But we live and learn 🙂
        And thank you !
        I’m sure you will find more , kind people who you can fill you life up with too .
        Sadly , they are rare gems these days . But it only means that it will be worth the wait 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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