Anxiety, CBT, Coming together, Depression, Family, Friends, Health, Illness, Invisible illness, Medication, Mental Illness, Panic attacks

Saw this & thought it described it perfectly









Anxiety, CBT, Coming together, Depression, Excited, Exciting, Family, Friends, Health, Illness, Invisible illness, Love, Mental Illness, Panic attacks

Very busy , mentally challenging , physically exhausting .

So I have had one of the most busiest weekends this year .

I went to Porthcawl fair on Friday.
Folly Farm on Saturday.
And Band Practice with Grim Citizens, in Carmarthen on Sunday.


6pm I went to Porthcawl with Rob, my brother, sister in law, Katie & Brooklyn.
Emily had a sleep over at her friends so she didn’t come with us.
It was wet & windy but really fun!
Rob won me a teddy . I won one myself too.

(Rob won the white one – I won the meerkat) 

Katie went on nearly every ride possible & Brooklyn just enjoyed the arcade.
We all had a laugh , had some candy floss & went for some chips afterwards.
We got soaked! But it was worth it.

I had a bit of a panic attack before going as I didn’t know what to expect. I had never been before so it was a new experience. But I enjoyed when we got there 🙂 

It helped having family around me 🙂 



Folly Farm.

Myself & Rob organised to meet up for a catch up with friends when we were in Surrey.
As they have children we thought Folly Farm was the best bet. 
I had never seen Giraffes before either so it was a win win.

We met up with Richard & Charlotte & their 3 gorgeous boys. Logan, Corey & Zac. 
Started at around 10:30am, myself & Rob went for breakfast & a coffee as we waited for them. We then wondered around the gift shop. 
We met up with them at 12:30pm in the reptile house 😀 
It was amazing !! 
We spent the whole day walking around slowly and seeing everything . 
We had a lovely catch up & pigged out with a double ice-cream ….. Which was MASSIVE !! (So worth it !!)
I went for the mint choc chip – as usual 😛 

It didn’t rain much which was a bonus. I think we literally had 5 minutes of drizzle & that was it . 
The sun shone the rest of the time.

Afterwards, we all went into Narberth for some chips ( I know – Take away again !!) 
And went to a carpark to eat them so we could chat & have a laugh . 

It was a fantastic day & my panic attacks stayed at bay. 

I was exhausted by the time we got home (9pm) . I was so drained it was unbelievable !! 
I think my illness got to me in a different way this time . 
I slept for over 12 hours !!!! 
But it was such a nice day , it was worth it .

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Band Practice – Carmarthen.
Waking up was a struggle. I was fighting everything . I could easily have slept some more – Even though I had 12 hours sleep.
I was in agony with my back & legs & I had a migraine . 😦 It wasn’t a good start to the day.
My body was fighting me on everything . 
I went downstairs & had to make lasagne , it was the easiest thing to make in the house. I was shaking & feeling dizzy . It was horrible . 
The 2 days of adventure had hit me like a ton of bricks . 
I made sure I drunk plenty of water & I ate all of my food . (It was 1pm) 
I then had to help Rob hang his clothes out . My body hated it. I was weak & felt ill.
Eventually we made it to the car & headed off for Rob’s band practice. 
When we arrived I felt a lot better . I munched on some chocolate on the way so I had some sugar in me. 

Band practice went really well & I managed to get some nice shots of them playing 🙂 
It was a nice relaxing day for me , which I needed !! 
We went for food in Weatherspoon’s afterwards & ended up having free drinks because food was delayed . So I had a lovely caramel frappé lol (I had 2 in total) .

After food we headed home . it was 10pm by the time we got back . I was dropping again & couldn’t wait to get into bed !! 

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All in all , it was a fantastic weekend . Despite my illness pushing me back a little bit , I managed to push through it. 
I am paying for it now with all the aches & pains & tiredness , but it was so nice to actually get out. 
I miss getting out & doing things .
It made me feel “normal” . Which I have mentioned before , is a big thing for me. 

Last week , I was catching up with one of my favourite artists on YouTube. I got a little jealous as he was going out & about on his own & grabbing a coffee. The little things that I want to do basically , & it made me feel a little low . Knowing I can’t do that because of my constant battles with my illness . But this weekend made me realise that I don’t need to do that 🙂 I have very supportive friends & family who will do it with me & help me through my though times 🙂 
So even though it may be the norm for some to go & do it alone , it isn’t my norm . 
Yes , I rely on people a lot , but those people are amazing & they are great to be around .
I am very lucky.

Anxiety, Beauty, Coming together, Depression, Excited, Health, Illness, Invisible illness, Love, Medication, Mental Illness, Panic attacks

A yoyo of emotions

Friday 28th August , myself and Rob travelled from South Wales to Surrey. 
What was meant to be a 3 and a half hour journey, turned into 7 hours.
The traffic was horrendous and there were accidents everywhere.

The Sat Nav took us through a route that wasn’t on our printed map and we both ended up panicking . It was awful ! 
But we eventually got there and checked into our hotel room.
I was so relieved to arrive ! 
We unpacked and went for food in Toby Carvery. 
The food was really nice and we ended up having a good few drinks too. It was so nice to relax.

We travelled up for a wedding. So we were nervous but excited too.
Our friends were getting married and we only knew them and one other. 

After getting an early night, we woke up at 8am. Showered and I dolled up. It took me 2 hours to curl my hair …. I don’t envy women who do this daily !
I was super bloated as my Ulcerative Colitis was playing up.
My face puffed up and my stomach made me look about 7 months pregnant .
The dress was a little snug so I was gutted and feeling like a beach ball.

Luckily, Rob had booked the taxi the night before , so we were ready in time and the taxi was right outside .
I’m so glad we decided a taxi would be best as we would never have found the place. 
There are 2 Mill Lane’s in Surrey apparently …. We found them both haha! 

The wedding was at Coltsford Mill, Mill Lane. VERY posh and so picturesque. 
It was like we were in a dream! 

When we arrived we saw the beautiful bride .
All had a hug and a laugh and then went to the bar area.
Sadly, there was no alcohol before the ceremony so we stuck to apple and orange juice.

2pm came and we headed to the ceremony room.
Once again , it was beautiful ! 

The ceremony was perfect . It was “them” . Every last detail was spot on. And the bride looked truly amazing !! 
After a few giggles through the ceremony when they said their vows and shed a tear or two of joy , we all headed out to the carpark for photos.
Sadly, the heavens opened up and it started to rain so we were delayed for a while. But this didn’t ruin anything , the photographer took control and she made the wedding photos look perfect . Even if the weather was against them , she didn’t let it win 🙂 

After some buck fizz and a chat we all headed to the front of the carpark where we all raised a few glasses and posed for photos . 
I honestly cannot wait to see them. 

After the photos it was food time.
Which once again was perfect .
There really isn’t any other way to describe it.
Everything was yummy. 

We were sat on a table with people we didn’t know.
I was very panicky and kept as close to Rob as possible.
I didn’t want to have a major panic attack in a room full of people so I tried to zone out.

However, two very lovely people introduced themselves to us, and we have become very good friends. 
I explained to them that I’m not very well and I said I may come across as awkward when I don’t meant to , but they were more than understanding .
We stayed with them all night, having a laugh . 

I was dreading meeting people because of my illnesses .
I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it , but they made me feel comfortable about it all .
They didn’t pry or judge.
They just accepted it. 

It was lovely, and a first!  

The speeches were great !
The best men trying to speak Welsh was just hilarious ! But it was a lovely touch . 

The after party went on until 11pm . 
There were free drinks flowing for a few hours thanks to the parents of the bride 😀 
I personally think they have got guts, opening a bar tab knowing there are Welsh in the room 😉 haha! 

It was perfect though , we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves . 

When we got back to the hotel around midnight , we ordered a take away as we were starving. 
Of course it had to be pizza with all the veggie toppings 😉 
And then we slept. Like babies ! 

Sadly , the next day wasn’t a good day.
I was very bloated and in a lot of pain. 

To take my mind off it, Rob decided to take me shopping .
It was a great idea and I was super excited . 

But Surrey didn’t have any good shops near to where we were staying . 
I ended up buying a biography in a charity shop for £1 and then headed back to the hotel.
Where we stayed in the room with me doped up on Zapain . 

Once again , being lazy we ordered a take away .
This time chips ! 

Rob had a fish the size of his arm and I had some beans with mine .
They were stunning !
Fatty , but stunning !

On a flare up I find only greasy foods work ok with my UC. I don’t know why , but everything else makes it all too painful . 

That night we decided we were going to travel home .
It was 10pm , we were bored and the M25 was clear at this time so we would get home in good time . 

Luckily we did , as a friend reported that the next day she had broken down on the M25 and that there were major delays . 
So we had a lucky escape ! 

Over all the weekend was amazing ! 
The shopping was disappointing but otherwise , we had fun , and made new friends 😀 

Now comes the down side . 
Travelling really takes it out of me, so as you can guess, I was exhausted .
I still am . 

I feel like I could sleep for days .
I’m also not used to eating out and my UC was already bad before leaving .
I took Pentasa , which I’m on and off at the moment as it causes more problems than good , but I thought if I took it , it would help prevent a bad flare up .

Oh boy was I wrong ! 

Along with chest pains , panic attacks and joint pain , my UC was so bad last night that I nearly ended up in hospital .
I was crying I was so scared . 

THANKFULLY , after 3 hours of drinking water and eventually getting my panic attacks under control . I managed to settle things down . 

It was terrifying and I never want that to happen again . 
I’m still having chest pains today , with a few panic attacks , but I’m controlling them for now . 
I am hoping to see a Doctor tomorrow about it all .
The chest pains are worrying me a little as it’s not just happening with panic attacks …. It’s a constant pain . 

As usual , with the anxiety , I am thinking the worst . 
Even though it is probably nothing , I keep thinking it could be cancer or a tumour …. Stupid I know ! But once again , anxiety just takes over and frightens me . 
It’s the case of , I know it isn’t , but it’s a possibility . There’s nothing there to say 100% that it’s not. But at the same time , blood tests would have picked up on it . Yet , if they weren’t looking for it , then would they have found it ? 
It’s a vicious circle , a constant yoyo and I’m feeling like I can’t win right now . 
As much as I hate losing , I think anxiety has won for today . 
But it’s ok , I will win tomorrow 😉 
I know I am stronger than my illness , I have survived 26 years and counting …. I can do it for another 26 years !
I just need to keep pushing forward 🙂 

I do have a few more blogs that I have been working on over the last few weeks . 
I shall try and post them over the next few days . 

I hope this little update is ok . I know it’s mainly a diary of my week so far and not a lot about my battle , but I am getting there with the other blogs 🙂 
I’ve just been so busy and exhausted with everything lately , that I haven’t had the chance to finish anything . But this was the easiest to write tonight , because it’s the most recent and fresh 🙂 

I hope you enjoyed it .

Remember, stay strong!