Anxiety, Depression, Health, Illness, Invisible illness, Mental Illness, Panic attacks

πŸ’₯ BAM! πŸ’₯ Oh hello again ….

August 13th .
I woke up like any other day . Washed , applied my eyebrows (as I don’t have any) and opened up a package I had received. 
It was full of new clothes (I treated myself for once) .
I got dressed and toddled my way down stairs wearing my new jeggings (or my fat lady trou as I like to call them lol) to iron my new top .
I had a cigarette (yup bad habit , I know) and asked my father to set up the ironing board (I can’t lift heavy things due to back issues) .
I plugged the iron in , then set my top up ready to iron it and ….

πŸ’₯  BAM!  πŸ’₯

Out of no where I couldn’t breathe . My head started spinning , my chest hurt . My left arm went completely numb . Then my ribs were painful on my left side . Then, slowly, my left leg went extremely painful and numb from the hip down .

….”Oh my God,  I’m having a stroke”….

Was my first thought .
It was terrifying !
I felt sick and started heaving. 
My Mam looked at me and handed me a paper bag .
I just asked for a banana – as funny as that sounds , they apparently help with a panic attack .
I couldn’t eat it though so I started to use the paper bag .
It helped . Within 15 mins I could breathe again .
After that, I ate the banana and I  was gaining all feeling back .
Sadly, I was crippled with pain still .
My parents had to head out , so I tried to walk it off but ended up lying in bed crying .
When they got home – about an hour later . I resorted to taking zapain. It took an hour to kick in , but when it did , I was completely pain free!

The ‘experience’ was terrifying.  I haven’t had a major panic attack in a few months now and never have I gone numb .

I mentioned it to a few people in a group I have been made admin on on Facebook. 
– The group is called “Beating Depression & Anxiety Together” . Go and check it out if you can πŸ™‚ It’s amazing !

Someone posted this as a reoly and it really helped , I hope it helps my readers too .


After this panic attack , naturally I felt depressed and just wanted to sleep . However , I pushed through it . I cried and felt like poo , but I stayed awake and decided to read .
I downloaded the Kindle app on my phone and started reading “Vampire Shift” . It is pretty amazing and I recommend it to everyone πŸ˜„

My sleeping pattern has gone to mush again though. 
I can’t seem to sleep until 4/5am and then I’ll sleep until 1pm .
Today I slept until 3pm though . I woke up at 10 am with a migraine so went back to bed and kept waking every hour . The migraine has stayed with me all day though 😦 Which is poo .
I think it’s my awful sleeping pattern though! 

So that is my little update .
I’m sorry it can’t be a cheery one , but I have promised to be honest and post the good and the bad πŸ™‚ So here is the down side of this week .
Hopefully , I will be able to post a more positive one over the weekend πŸ˜„ Here’s to hoping πŸ’œ


Anxiety, Depression, Excited, Exciting, Family, Gig, Health, Illness, Invisible illness, Love, Mental Illness

My weekend & week so far πŸ˜„

I have been a very busy girl this weekend . Been through a few emotions too .
So Friday I was babysitting my gorgeous nieces & cousin .
Travelling up I went on Facebook , my usual routine when stuck in traffic …. Dad driving lol .
I was commenting on a friends status . Everyone was messing around . It was all light hearted . But there’s always one who brings the mood down with a bang . This certain individual I have avoided for years , for many reasons . As have 95% of my friends over the years .
Anyway , it started off as an innocent debate . But I think he got a bit scared that I may show him up as he went extremely defensive .

Now way back when I was in school people would call me a “bullshitter” . It started with the typical line , “I met Cory taylor” . Which was the truth . But people got jealous and got nasty . Calling me a liar .
I then got on with it . A few people asked me about family etc . So I explained I have family in Canada and I would love to go and see them one day . I had only met my Uncle Mike & Aunty Jo . But I have so many cousins out there I would love to get to know .
This was then made into me lying again . Apparently , I don’t have family in Canada …. Ok then .
But you get the jist .
Over the years things got twisted and people literally made things up about me . People found it funny and it ended up that all the malicious lies they were spouting , we’re apparently coming from me . Even when I went away on holiday , I would come back to something new I had apparently said .
Now I know I’m not good at socialising and I don’t word things right . But it’s magic how I could be in 2 places at once saying all these things .

Anyway , back to the point .
This certain someone brought this up whilst he was in defensive mode . Calling me a bullshitter and being extremely childish and a school – like bully .

It made me have a panic attack .

I spoke to my Dad about it but he laughed at this person .
As he said , how many friends does he really have ? How many actually like him ? And how many just tolerate him because he’s a nasty ass ?
How many does he shove his “facts” at ?

It was going to be a political debate . But honestly , how can you have a debate against a bully ? Against a Tori ? Basically ….

It did get to me for about 30 mins but I got through it . I realised that he is just a bully . Plain and simple .
People don’t go around spreading malicious lies about people , unless 1) They’re jealous 2) They’re scared 3) They live a sad life .
I honestly pity him a little .
My life must be so much more interesting to devote his time and effort to , than his own .

So I stopped panicking .
We eventually reached my brothers house and I felt a lot better .
My Nieces & Cousin ran towards me & all gave me a huge hug .

We had a fantastic day .
We went to the park & then I treated them to water & crisps for being good .
They were all so thankful & Emily then made my day . She turned around , hugged me & said “Thank you . You really are the best Aunty in the world” .
She is 7 & the sweetest girl , ever ! πŸ˜„





Saturday .

I spent the day with Rob .
We went to Margam park πŸ˜†
Heroes & Legends convention .
It was a lush day out .
Rob spent “too much” . We walked for miles .
I had a proper “fan girl” moment with Kitt (car) and with Captain America’s shield πŸ˜„
There were so many awesome stalls there .
Loads of famous peeps doing autographs & photos .
Elsa & Anna made an appearance too ! I loved them & recorded them for my Nieces & Cousin so they can see them when they come home from Cornwall 😊

I highly recommend this convention to anyone ! Cosplay is also welcome πŸ˜ƒ







After the convention we went to one of my closest friends new house . Himself & fiancΓ© were having a house warming . They have bought their first house together …. It is amazing !!
I love my friend so much , he is like a brother to me . I am so Unbelievably happy for him !!
It was lovely to catch up & have a bite to eat haha . Cannot wait to see him next week for a bit πŸ˜€

Sunday .

Sunday was a more relaxed day .
Rob’s band are recording their first EP .
So I went along to The Parrot,Β  Carmarthen , & listened to them do it .
They only recorded the drums but it was amazing to watch (They have done so much more since then) .

After recording & packing up , I saw my good friend Aeddan . Only for about 10 mins , but it was lush to see him !!

Monday & Tuesday have been relaxed days . We have just chilled out together πŸ˜„
I’m currently spending the whole week with Rob as it’s his holidays . He turns 25 on Thursday (6th) So we are trying to sort something out for that too !!

So over the past few days , I have been super busy . Well , busy for me haha !!
It started as an emotional roller coaster , but has turned out amazing !!