Freedom of feeling

So apparently , through speaking about my feelings of hurt & pain . It effects people who have wronged me .
People spying on my accounts after they made it clear they want nothing to do with me .

I suffer with anxiety and depression severely & speaking is part of healing .
All I do is speak the truth . I don’t speak about anything else .
I don’t see why lying about feeling ok will help me recover . Will help me over come my illness .

I admit I don’t hold back . Because holding back won’t help me .
Locking up feelings doesn’t help anyone .
I did that for 17 years and look where it’s got me !
On medication and going through mental health groups .
Suffering in silence isn’t the way to go . But yet I’m always told to not talk about it . That people only read my posts to hold things against me . To laugh at me and to use it as ammo as and when they like .

The thing is , the stigma against mental health is awful .
Freedom of speech is taken away so easily .
Why should I put myself back to the old me . The quiet me who would plan on ending my life . The weak me who would sit there and think of easy ways out of all this .
I have come so far just by talking about my feelings .
I had one set back this year which knocked me for six and left me feeling alone . I was empty .
I had one thing keeping me going . My Ellie . And now I don’t have her anymore .

My man helps when he can but he’s working a lot and he can’t be here all the time . Which is fine , I am very proud of him !

But when you feel alone it is awful . The worst part of mental health . And then to have people judge you and push you even further into the darkness . The void which swollows you up whole and makes you suffocate .
Is that right ?
Should I stop talking about the truth ?
Should I please everyone and live a miserable existence just to never hear them put me down because they will never understand ?

So to that person passing malicious lies on about me . I see everyone who views my blogs . And as I have blocked everyone who I thought would wrong me . This means you are under a fake account , which is against the law .
So when I figure out who’s IP address comes from the address given . I will report you . You have been warned .

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