‘I just can’t be happy today’

Mentally, I’m not coping very well .
I have a lot going on right now and I have run out of Citalopram . 
There’s a 2 week waiting list with my Doctors so not like I can get any soon .
I feel like I need CBT with Alun again as he’d help me in these situations .
I feel like I’m not good enough a lot of the time and that people are putting me down .
Infact , I know a few are b!tching behind my back . I can’t cope with this as all I ever do is try to make people happy , even if that means me being miserable , I will do all that I can to help others .
No one meets me half way and I don’t really mind , so long as they’re happy . But when you hear people putting you down , it really effects you .

I have anger issues , where I will lash out when pushed too far . It has come to the point where I am trying to control myself and I am feeling sick and shaking . I am crying but not through being upset but through being so angry !

I don’t know what to do or where to turn . I feel lost , underapriceated , taken for granted and like dirt .

This is the reason why I never truly open up , people just prove that they’re fake and nasty .

Not just that , friends of mine are going through hell too and I have them coming to me . People are putting them down and making them feel like utter crap . Rather than admit they are wrong with what they have done , they will make my friends lives hell and stir online with everyone . Making others choose sides and causing tention etc etc
It’s boiling my blood and I can’t stand it much more . But if I say anything I will be made out to be the b!tch again .

I will never undedstand horrible people to be honest . But I wish they would all get the hell out of my life .

I feel like I can’t breathe because my screams are sufforcating me .

This is def’ depression again . But this is with others bringing it on this time and not me and my messed up head .
I feel like I’m going to explode …. But when I do , a lot of people won’t like it 😦

I don’t like upsetting people , but being a b!tch isn’t a good way of life .

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