A little low this week

So this week has been a tough one.

Once again, depression has creeped up on me and hit me with a

bang2 

For no reason ….

I have been lazy all week . Not wanting to get out of bed because I haven’t slept well . But even when I do sleep well I wake up exhausted and not wanting to move .

cartoon-zombie-woman-female-illustration-87852916

I seem to wake up all sticky eyed and meh (sexy I know) !

I haven’t showered in a few days because I just couldn’t be bothered (typical with my depression).

My Dad has tried to get me out a few times , offering to take me to town shopping or to go to Tesco for Pokémon cards . But I just don’t want to be around people …. I like the inside of my bedroom too much, at least here I don’t have to do anything that I don’t want to , or hear people commenting on others thinking they’re funny ….

Mam and Dad are dragging me to town tomorrow though, so I have to be up and showered and dressed in the morning and I HAVE to go out . I don’t want to , but I know it will help . 

The first thing I want to do with depression is hide …. Lock everything away and say it’ll be ok ….. But I know it won’t be unless I act on it . I HAVE to get some fresh air ….
I am terrified I’ll have a panic attack in town though . They have decided to show up again too (-.-) 

On one plus side …. I have taken up painting again :/
It’s something I can do along side collecting Pokémon bits and it’s one thing I can do in my bedroom out of the way 🙂


I am enjoying it though , which is strange because I don’t find enjoyment in things anymore .
I miss my books but I can’t seem to read them without getting headaches and putting them down after 3 pages . But I can paint all day and enjoy it . I think about all the layering , colours , blending , learning new things via Youtube 🙂 It’s fab !! Only downside is , it’s in my room . And as I enjoy fantasy painting , I can’t exactly go out and paint ….. Even though I have just had a great idea for my next painting and a place in my home town ^_^ 

This is my current work …. Although I have layered it a bit now , I am waiting on more paints so I can do the horns before I post a current photo . 

10393877_10155139515495646_7156771908311415716_n

It’s nothing amazing …. Just something I found on youtube about a year ago . I sketched it before but now I’ve decided to paint it up 🙂 

But it’s a distraction and I’m enjoying it 😀 

Really wish I could get the motivation to get up in the mornings though so I can finish it !! 

Anyone have any tricks on kick depression up the butt ?

Could really do with some right now 🙂 

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “A little low this week

  1. I can relate to bits of this actually, I found the best thing that helped my depression was to keep your feelings off Facebook/twitter etc and say them out aloud to people but then again I bet at the back of your mind you feel your doing their head-in? You won’t do anyone’s head in I promise, people will want to listen to you! Its more effective than any social site. Also hand written notes all over the house! Splatter them on your fridge remind yourself! Keep a small diary with some goals too and tell yourself why you will do them can even be as stupid as to write the night before: pop to spar to get some milk before 12pm! Once you will get a rough routine down you it will stop making you think the worst possible, you won’t want to drag yourself down so quite likely you won’t panic cos you’ve followed instructions to after a while feel natural again rather than a punishment! PS. I’m glad you found a new hobby etc painting cos I understand completely about the frustration and feeling light headed after reading a few pages of books 🙂 perhaps you could help me find a new thing to do? I’m currently collecting patterns but it’s not quite satisfying me atm. Help?! Lol x

    Like

    • Hi hun
      The reason I have started up a social media site & blog is because I was told in CBT that talking about it is the first step to recovery 🙂
      I talk daily about my feelings but I do feel like I’m being brushed off . No one wants to hear it . But online I have made a lot of progress 🙂
      I have spoken to a lot of people all over the world . Made good friends and I have learned new things about mental illness .
      I want to help stop the stigma too . I’m speaking out and being open to show people that there is nothing to be scared of . Yes , in the past I have had bad feedback from low life people who only care about themselves . But I have cut them out of my life for good now and I am better off because of it 🙂

      I can’t go out on my own sadly . I get panic attacks if I get past the top gate . My car is always parked there lol so I dkn’t have to go any further . I can drive to places no problem but I can’t get out of the car unless someone is meeting me :/
      Otherwise I would love to pop to the shop lol

      I’ve kept a diary since I was 13 too 🙂 It does help a lil’ .

      What patterns are you collecting hun ? Xxx

      Like

  2. I hope you werent offended about the social media thing, I mean for example what your battling as a Facebook status you will get ignoramuses giving you grief which will make you feel worse, facebook is filled with negativity and the exposure of some things and peoples attitudes is enough to make anyone feel low. .. this blog is an amazing idea, i did one before but never stuck to it… having feedback from likewise people too is great, it will take you a long way to come from doing things away from your comfort zones but i’d say your on the right track like you passed your test your driving i aint out to patronise but once you get that much more passionate in something the more you’ll be keen to break away from certain ways without endearing some sort of panic, keep doing what your doing hun. Umm repetative patterns you see on wallpaper mainly like from the 60s il put some more on pinterest and show you x

    Like

    • Hry hun only now seeing this
      My notifications haven’t been working :/

      I’m not offended at all
      I know what you mean as I had a lot of hate from people when I was posting just in FB . But since starting my blog people have been a lot kinder ….. Maybe they’ve seen the responses and feel like idiots for being so up themselves lol !

      And thank you
      Passing my test really did give me a boost for a while 🙂
      About 2 weeks I was on a high and felt great . No panic attacks , I was sleeping properly and up in the days . I found hobbies etc etc . Then after 2 weeks I went back to normal for no reason and it sucks :/

      Ooo that sounds funky !
      Do you do anything with them ? Like art wise ?
      I bet you could combine them with some piece of art and it would look lush !! Xxx

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s