It’s been about 3/4 weeks since I had a panic attack .
Well , a major one at least . I always get tiny ones when I wake up and go to bed
But on Friday , I had a major panic attack .
It only lasted 20 minutes but at the time it felt like forever !!
I didn’t tell anyone until afterwards as I don’t like worrying people . And then I only told my Fiancé .
It took a lot out of me and I felt like a failure .
All the natural negative feelings came rushing back .
I thought I was doing so well !!
And then BOOM !!
Back to square one .
Although I do realise now , I’m not back at square one really .
It’s just horrible .
I was so positive and really enjoying it for the first time in a long time .
I was in control .
I was doing so much good and helping everyone out the best I could .
Ever since Friday I have found myself “getting bored” . I don’t seem to find any joy in anything I do . I can’t concerntrate much on anything and it’s really upsetting !!
My Doctors want to up my medication to 20mgs again , but that’s without knowing about this .
I don’t want to up it and become reliant on medication again so I have been saying no .
I was reluctant going on 10mgs as I don’t want medication to run my life .
And when I was on 20mgs and higher , I went to feel ill from the side effects .
I have been on citalopram before and many many others .
They never work and in the end they made me suicidal .
I don’t want to go through that again .
But I know I need something to drown these feelings away and to get me back on track .
I feel like I’m falling constantly and no one is there to pick me back up .
It’s becoming more and more a chour by the day .
Any advice would be amazing right now . And any recommendation for medication would be great .
Fluoxitine and Venlalic are big no goes for me .
Venlalic are the meds that pushed me over the edge last time and Fluoxitine made me bad before those .
I’m on Citalopram now but only 10mgs and I don’t think they are working anymore but 20mgs give me night terrors and sweats
I feel stuck in a rut 😦