A little catch up rant ….

Life has been really busy from Dec 14th so I’m really sorry I’ve not been updating much .

I haven’t even had time to play my games consoles lol !!

Basically, as I don’t have much time on my hands between running my mother or my father around lol .

I have decided to get back into collecting Pokémon cards 😀
It’s really helped me focus .
I order them online before I go to bed (not every night lol) and I then get them by the end of the week . I have nice folders to keep them in and I organise them so that I can get each art work of each Pokémon on to the same page etc 😀
I currently have a collection worth around £200 ^_^ Considering I only started this just before Christmas , I think it’s pretty good .

I must sound pretty sad to most of you, collecting cards doesn’t appeal to all . But it’s taking my mind off things . I get to sit down for an hour a day and just organise them . It helps stop panic attacks coming on and it passes the time and the biggest thing of all is , I enjoy it !!

I’ve found something I can enthuse about !!
Thats’s one major thing I have found since my anxiety and depression has gotten worse , I 
don’t enjoy anything .
I pretend to around all of my friends and most family , but I can’t actually enjoy myself .

Shopping gives me panic attacks , being around too many people does too .
The cinema is good but I don’t get excited anymore .
I don’t really enjoy drinking .
I never go out anymore .
So this card collecting has really given me something to look forward to 🙂
Sadly it’s not helping with my sleep patterns lol Nothing seems to be .
It’s currently 02:19AM here and I’m 
wide awake.
I have to be up at 9am to take my Father to the Nurse and then I can’t go back to bed as I have to run my Mother to work at 2pm . She then finishes at 5pm so I have to pick her up . So that’s my day gone .
I’m sure there will be loads in-between but I won’t be tired come bed time again …..
And it’ll start all over again !!

I don’t get time to myself unless it’s with my cards for about an hour a week .

I’m with Rob over the weekend but as he’ll be off work he’ll want to do things that he wants to do , which is fair enough  ….. And come Monday I’m back to running around for my parents lol …..

I don’t mind running around for them as my Dad is recovering from a major operation but I am exhausted and need some me time .
Hell, some days I don’t even get the chance to shower !
I’m also missing a lot of my medication which isn’t good !!
I just can’t seem to juggle things well throughout the day .

My parents will say I get down time because I sleep the days away . But lately I’ve been going to bed at 5/6AM and waking up at 12/1PM . Then I’m running around or waiting around for everyone else . 

I think what makes things harder is my depression and anxiety . They ware you out on “normal” days . So actually doing things for everyone else , the extra running ….. It pushes you a bit too far .
I’ve found my joints are hurting me more too. Especially my knees as I’m walking too much . Walking up stairs is a struggle let alone going out and helping carry bags .

I need a week off lol . Someone ship me off to some place hot and quiet ? ^_^ 


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