One update.

Wow! Well. Where do I start ?
I haven’t blogged properly in some time now …. There has been LOADS going on.

A few weeks ago there was an argument on Facebook …. Who’d have guessed right ? …. Over some status I put up. I basically asked what everyone did at 7am as I was up, awake and bored.
So called friends commented about looking after their babies etc and I simply said I wish I had that “normal” life style. So one asked what I meant by “normal” to which I simply replied, being able to get up in the mornings, get showered and dressed, go out and shop / meet friends, look after children etc.
To which I was told I should “get of with it”. Like suffering with Anxiety and Depression is so so easy. Despite the fact I have other physical ailments ….

I was told by another “friend” that I over-exggagerate my “illness” and that I need to get out more.
Now bare in mind these two people apparently suffer with this illness themselves. Now if mental illness was so easy to overcome, then why do 1 in 4 get it ? Why is there a known suicide rating for the illness and why are there so many medications for something that is apparently so easy to get over ?

It really got to me !! I broke down. A few of my friends stood in and put them to go. Calling the others bullies and telling them to lay off. 
One of the “friends” husbands got involved by tagging the girl in his status to which I saw was bitching about me. It showed up in my timeline so I commented telling him to call over and he can see exactly what I am going through etc. She naturally kicked off and said I was in the wrong, after everything HE has been through how dare I comment on that…. How dare I ? How dare I what ? Defend myself ? How dare HE BITCH online about me when he doesn’t know me at all. I have never met this guy in my life. I have never spoken to him and nor do I wish to. So why did he take it upon himself to bitch about me online ? How dare HE get involved in something which didn’t involve him in the first place !

Anyway, as I was saying it made me mad. I blocked and deleted these so called friends and many many more. I haven’t been online posting much since and I have been through mental and physical hell in all fairness. It really did knock me down.
I know loads will say not to let it get to me. But how can I ? I suffer with MENTAL health lol …. It’s kind of hard to not dwell on crap like this. 
Thanks to this I am actually back on medication. Which I swore blind that I would never take again. But I admit defeat. I can’t cope properly at the moment. Those comments they made were vile and vicious !! I hope I never ever see those people again.

Having said that I did see one in our local store a week ago. I was there on a friends and family evening with my family and Fiancé and she showed up. I had to leave as I had a panic attack. It was pretty awful.

I hate myself because of it though. I know this isn’t “me”. I went through bullying in school and when I left I became stronger and never put up with it since. Then this happens and I fall to pieces. I won’t stand my ground anymore. I run and cry and fall to bits. But why should I let assholes like them have an effect on MY life ? 
They don’t have anything better than I do . They aren’t better than me . They’re just mouthy and bitter “know it alls” who think they can go around telling the world how it is . When really, they are like every other boring person out there .

I HATE that I let them get me down . I HATE this illness for allowing it. But I can’t kick it ….. 
I wish there was a numbing pill, so I can just numb every stupid person like that out of my life for good and never ever think about their rubbish again .

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4 thoughts on “One update.

  1. Haters.. they really suck it. Sorry that some uneducated peeps felt free to tell you untruths, to bully, and to poke their noses into your private business in an inappropriate way. When someone is being supportive it is appropriate, otherwise it is none of their business and they should shut up and keep their hateful, ill-informed and uneducated beliefs to themselves. You have and had every right to reach out to others, shame on them for not having any humanity. You are such a sweet heart and are so sweet and lovely on your blog, I have loved coming here in the past. I’m sorry that it got you down, hey it does not mean that you are weak, it means you are human. It is tough to be hurt by the hate and prejudice of others about mental health challenges and issues. These incidents, though online, were traumatizing and definitely could have exacerbated issues and triggered some post traumatic reactions from being bullied when you were younger. I was bullied when I was a child myself, and am a child abuse survivor, and seriously let me say we all judge ourselves so harshly. It is perfectly okay to leave somewhere and avoid abusers. From another way of looking at it you can tell yourself you are being protective and loving to yourself when you do so, no matter how competent or triggered or anxious or afraid you may be feeling at it and them, you are being courageous and brave. It might take some time for you to see that again and to be able to act from that strong center again, but it is still there.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much !
      This means a lot to me 🙂 To know someone understands and to not feel alone .
      I felt like I was in the wrong . Like maybe I had done something to deserve them kicking off . I don’t and if it was happening to anyone else I would have stuck up for them . But when it comes to me , I run and hide .
      I am avoiding these people like crazy . They live in my home town so it’s difficult . When I go out I see them . At the moment I have to go out to drive my mother places as my Dad is recovering . But when I see them they don’t say a word . They look at me and sort of run away lol . Like I’m the bad person !!
      I just hope this all blows over . It does get you down .

      Thank you so much for your support ! X

      Liked by 1 person

      • Well it is hard when those in the wrong are projecting their shame and blame onto the very person that they are violating and abusing; and shunning, judging, and mistreating someone who is dealing bravely with mental health challenges already does create blame and shame and they should feel blame and shame. Too bad they can’t carry their own consequences to their own behavior and have to project it onto you. I’m sorry that it is getting you down, but I totally understand that. Just keep reminding yourself that you are not to blame, you are trying to take the best care of yourself and coping with your father’s health issues and everything else that your life encompasses. No one knows what someone else is going through and predetermining and prejudging shows how small minded they really are. Hang in there.

        Good and healing thoughts to you.

        Kate

        Liked by 1 person

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