Christmas update

Honestly, I’ve had a really good time 🙂
Dad’s getting better , dispite the fact there is the lurgie in our house hold lol .
We went to my Aunties & Unvles for Christmas dinner which was stunning !! Lentil soup for starters then a proper meal 😀 Very posh 😛 haha !!
We had a laugh and I actually had non-alcoholic beer with my Dad (I was driving) and enjoyed !

I was spoiled rotten !!
I had a 40″ smart TV off my parents & a chocolate orange xD
Rob got me a new Xbox 360 , Link model & clothes
My mother in law got me a jumper and fluffy sock slippers
My Aunties & Uncles gave me money & socks & tights xD – I love my socks lol
My father in law gave us money
My cousins bought me lovely gift sets , coffees etc
Also had a lovely bracelet & a 3D photo of two black lab puppies ! I can’t get over how realistic they look ! We will def’ be putting that up in our house in the new year 😀
Whiskey & money off my brothers 🙂

My friends , well ! They got me amazing things . From a wine glass (with wine) which says “Small glass, large glass, Laura’s glass” on it . To all of the Guardians Funko’s (Pops) !!
They know me so so well 😉 haha !!

I seriously can’t get over how much I have had . I know I have missed some in that list , there’s just so much ! & I am so thankful for everything 😀
This year has been a toughy . Not just with my mental health , but for everyone , money wise , relationship wise etc . So I didn’t expect half this much !
I just hope my gifts measure up to what I recieved 🙂

So yes , this is a happy post 😀

I also have clothes & Pokémon stuff coming in the post & Groot to finish off the Guardians set (as it didn’t arrive in time – Which I honestly don’t mind as I didn’t expect them , let alone ALL of them)

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Ups & downs but some positives in there :)

In my last post I have said I have been through a tough time, other than the crap those people gave me.

My Dad was taken in to The Royal Brompton Hospital, in London, last Sunday. He had a triple heart bypass on Monday. It was horrible having to say goodbye to him and then playing the waiting game.

He had a successful operation. Dad stayed in for 6 days and he is now home with us 😀 
He looks great to be honest. You would never tell he had had heart surgery! 
He is in a bit of pain, that’s to be expected though 
But he’s doing amazing ! 
My Dad NEVER stops amazing me 🙂 

Mentally for me it has been HELL. I cried as soon as he left on Sunday. My dog, Ellie, was crying with me and cuddling me 🙂 It was super sweet. And Rob stayed with us the whole week 🙂 So I had constant support. Along with my amazing family ringing / texting / unboxing me every day . And a handful of friends that I hold dear of course 🙂 
I just couldn’t battle back the bad thoughts, the what ifs and maybes that always seem to slip into thoughts, even on a good day.

Even now I am scared for no reason ! He’s home, he’s safe and he is well. But I am worried about him non stop !
In the morn I am taking my mother to the nurse to sort out appointments etc for him
Then Tuesday I am taking him to have stitches out. 
I don’t mind running him and Mam around at all. I just wish he could stay at home for the next 6 weeks and not have to move around lol. I’m always worried he will trip or his legs will go weak (he has arthritis too) etc. 
Stupid ! I know ! but this is what I am battling with lol 

One update.

Wow! Well. Where do I start ?
I haven’t blogged properly in some time now …. There has been LOADS going on.

A few weeks ago there was an argument on Facebook …. Who’d have guessed right ? …. Over some status I put up. I basically asked what everyone did at 7am as I was up, awake and bored.
So called friends commented about looking after their babies etc and I simply said I wish I had that “normal” life style. So one asked what I meant by “normal” to which I simply replied, being able to get up in the mornings, get showered and dressed, go out and shop / meet friends, look after children etc.
To which I was told I should “get of with it”. Like suffering with Anxiety and Depression is so so easy. Despite the fact I have other physical ailments ….

I was told by another “friend” that I over-exggagerate my “illness” and that I need to get out more.
Now bare in mind these two people apparently suffer with this illness themselves. Now if mental illness was so easy to overcome, then why do 1 in 4 get it ? Why is there a known suicide rating for the illness and why are there so many medications for something that is apparently so easy to get over ?

It really got to me !! I broke down. A few of my friends stood in and put them to go. Calling the others bullies and telling them to lay off. 
One of the “friends” husbands got involved by tagging the girl in his status to which I saw was bitching about me. It showed up in my timeline so I commented telling him to call over and he can see exactly what I am going through etc. She naturally kicked off and said I was in the wrong, after everything HE has been through how dare I comment on that…. How dare I ? How dare I what ? Defend myself ? How dare HE BITCH online about me when he doesn’t know me at all. I have never met this guy in my life. I have never spoken to him and nor do I wish to. So why did he take it upon himself to bitch about me online ? How dare HE get involved in something which didn’t involve him in the first place !

Anyway, as I was saying it made me mad. I blocked and deleted these so called friends and many many more. I haven’t been online posting much since and I have been through mental and physical hell in all fairness. It really did knock me down.
I know loads will say not to let it get to me. But how can I ? I suffer with MENTAL health lol …. It’s kind of hard to not dwell on crap like this. 
Thanks to this I am actually back on medication. Which I swore blind that I would never take again. But I admit defeat. I can’t cope properly at the moment. Those comments they made were vile and vicious !! I hope I never ever see those people again.

Having said that I did see one in our local store a week ago. I was there on a friends and family evening with my family and Fiancé and she showed up. I had to leave as I had a panic attack. It was pretty awful.

I hate myself because of it though. I know this isn’t “me”. I went through bullying in school and when I left I became stronger and never put up with it since. Then this happens and I fall to pieces. I won’t stand my ground anymore. I run and cry and fall to bits. But why should I let assholes like them have an effect on MY life ? 
They don’t have anything better than I do . They aren’t better than me . They’re just mouthy and bitter “know it alls” who think they can go around telling the world how it is . When really, they are like every other boring person out there .

I HATE that I let them get me down . I HATE this illness for allowing it. But I can’t kick it ….. 
I wish there was a numbing pill, so I can just numb every stupid person like that out of my life for good and never ever think about their rubbish again .

Signs :)

Sitting in Rob’s car waiting for him tonight . I speak out loud asking Dadcu or Mamgu to send me a sign that everything is going to be ok .
Next thing the car locks itself and unlocks itself ….. Rob shows up about a min later . I laughed and told him “you clicking buttons” and he was like “what?” So I said “You locking and unlocking the car” he swore blind it wasn’t him & I made him pinky promise me he wasn’t messing around !
Think that was a good enough sign lol
Made me feel a lot better 🙂