Meeting :/

So I had a meeting with the PIP people today.
They came out as I couldn’t make it to the assessment ….
It was basically a medical, which is only fair as the amount of people claiming benefits for no real reason is ridiculous. But it made me feel small. Not the ladies fault at all, just the questions.

“When was the last time you went out?” – Honestly, yes it was Bristol. But that was terrifying . The time before that was my Aunties wedding 2 years ago!!
That was the proper time I went out, with people, “drinking”. But I had a panic attack on the bus with my own family!!

“Can you walk from the living room to your front gate without stopping?” – Nope! My knees swell and Im in agony.

“Do you see your friends often?” – Nope! Only on “good” days, which to be honest, are there really any good days ? There are ok days where the pain is masked by the pills I take, but thats about it .

“Do you drink?” – I’m not tea total and enjoy a glass of rosé but I don’t go out anywhere partying or hold house parties/ladies nights etc. I just have the odd glass when I can afford it .

“What are your hobbies?” – Now this is the real sad part …. I play Destiny. Online. With friends. That’s about it!
I love painting, reading, playing Pokémon / MTG cards etc. But I don’t have the energy to do them anymore. I literally get up and dressed …. Which takes me over an hour. Go and have coffee and maybe a bite to eat if I can be bothered. And then I sit and play Destiny because walking up and down stairs pains me too much!
I can’t stand for long periods of time and I can’t sit for too long either. So painting becomes frustrating :/

I just sat there thinking ” What the f**k has happened to me ? ”

I used to be this skinny girl, who would walk everywhere. Go to festivals with friends, party every weekend, go to college, eat what I like when I liked, wear whatever and not give a damn!
I was happy once lol
Now Im full of aches and pains, things the Drs can’t figure out. I have Ulcerative Colitis, possible arthritis which they are testing for. Very low iron, anaemia, I have to have iron infusions which involve blood tests every 2 weeks. I can’t make long term plans because of panic attacks which I have on a daily basis….. And so much more!!

I really feel pathetic tonight….

Sorry this isn’t a positive post. But I just needed to vent :/ And I did say this blog was about the highs and lows lol 

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