Fed up!

I see a lot of people moving on with their lives. Starting new chapters. Either with a new job, marriage or a baby & I keep thinking, I wish that was me.

I want a job, something I can enthuse over. I don’t know what I want to be.

I’m 26 soon and stuck in this rut.

I love art, baking, music, theatre, history & acting.
I’m a fully qualified Theatre Lighting Technician. But I don’t enthuse about it anymore.
I used to, it was all I knew at one point. It’s the only thing I KNOW I am good at. But I don’t enthuse about it.

I do enthuse about baking. I love cakes! But that’s the only thing I like. Baking at home.
A part of me would love a little restaurant, somewhere, to sell tea and cakes. But there is no where, that I know of, locally, that the business would thrive in! Plus don’t you need paper work to prove you can bake etc ? I don’t have time to go back to college, unpaid, and study.

I’m still unwell with my mental health. But I really want something now. I need something!
It’s come to the point where I feel a bit useless.

My fiancé has a 40 hour job and a good pay packet coming in and I have sod all. If I worked full time we could have everything. It’s not fair on him to have to provide for me because I have sod all. I feel really bad about it!
He can make all these plans and not worry about the cost. But here’s me having to sell things just to get by. It’s not fair!

I know I can’t work, especially full-time. I collapse with panic attacks when out in public so trying to find an employer who understands that…. Well, it’ll never happen lol!
And getting my own business…. Yeah no one’s going to want to help fund someone with a mental illness.
There has to be some sort of option though…. Right?
I’m fed up! 


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