Quite sad to be honest . But also proud of myself .
I did it . 8 sessions of CBT done.
I honestly wouldn’t be here writing this without Alun Hunt. He has helped me through one hell of a lot !
Anyone who is offered it , go for it!
I admit I had my doubts. I thought “I’ve been through everything else and nothing has changed, what can CBT do that will help?”
The answer is ALOT !!!!
I’m in a more positive mind now. I am open about by illness. I understand it more. I can see the difference between depression & anxiety . I can control my panic attacks. I know it’s ok to walk away from a situation, clear my head & then come back in to the same situation & start again .
It’s ok to be ill . It’s ok to be open . It helps!
Yes some people love to hear about you being ill and will use it against you, there is always some lowlife who will want to do that. But the positives outweigh them !!
I have had one person use it against me . I’ve had the tears & the upset . I have thought about taking an overdose because of them . But why should I ? Why should I let that ONE person control my life ? I have so much good in my life ! I have a wonderful , supportive family. I have gorgeous Nieces who I want to see grow up. I have an amazing Fiancé who has been through hell and back with me . I have amazing , patient , understanding friends who have been there from day one and seen me at my lowest & they are still here .
Why should I let ONE person take all of this away from me ? Why give them the satisfaction ?
I know there are thousands out there who would give anything to have what I have . I’m not going to let this person destroy that .
And neither should you , yes you , the person reading this !
No one should give up , because it does get better .
Ok granted , if someone had said that to me back in May I would of gone “What the hell do you know” . But now , after going through all of this , I KNOW it gets better . I am out of those woods. Yes , I still have a bit to go health wise . But mentally , I am out of the darkness . No, depression never truly leaves you & probably the panic attacks won’t either . But I am in control . This is my life , my body . I tell it what to do . Not the illness !!
So please , please , if anyone who is reading this is going through a hard time like me . Please take up the option of CBT and at least give it a go . It’s one session a week for 8 weeks. That’s all . 50 mins a session . It’s worth a shot 🙂 What have you got to lose ?
No one deserves to feel alone in this . It is a killer and I have come close to ending it . But life is worth living despite the negatives out there . There is so much positive 🙂
The next step for me is the gym . Then I will push myself to maybe go for a walk on my own . Who knows ?
I will keep updating with my progress & my set backs . I will keep everyone in the loop 🙂